BritishGuy94 days ago

LOL@terrorist bombing or surprise visit by Gozilla...

OK thats pretty funny lol.

sexpert94 days ago

Going dutch means you both pay your own way. I actually prefer going dutch on first dates. I don't want to feel like I owe anyone anything, and I don't want to spend money on a person that I might not see again, and I don't want to expect someone else to pay for me. I like going dutch on a first date, especially if it's casual.

This way, you get what you paid for. Even if the date is horrible, you know that you got the food that you wanted, and you paid for it, and it was good. The company may have been crap, but what you paid for was good. Unless you saw a really horrible movie. Then the night was a complete waste and will go in the "never again" list in your brain.

I'm really cynical like that though.

BritishGuy94 days ago

Ah I just noticed where the comments are thanks for your reply.

To be honest I don't like the idea of going dutch it seems like inappropriate behaviour.

I ask out a lot of girls because I travel a lot and I generally need to strike up friendships with somebody.

I never try the going dutch thing because if I am asking you out I am offering to take you out not making a legally binding contract with you.

Plus when I'm on a date my emphasis isn't on making a good impression for another date I just want to enjoy myself and make sure the person in my company is equally satisfied.

The way I see it is if you offer to take somebody out you also have to cater to their needs because it's like having a guest over, you did the inviting now you must follow up.

I'm not sure if going dutch is common in the States or Canada but it'd look pretty bad if you tried it here it just seems kind of insulting.

You guys are probably more money orientated than us but honestly on a date the financial aspect always plays second fiddle to the enjoyment aspect.

sexpert94 days ago

I wouldn't take it as a cultural thing - it's a me thing. I have learned that I function better if I am very guarded on the first couple dates I go on. I also do a lot of online dating, so that makes a difference too.

BritishGuy94 days ago

Well I guess different strokes for different folks and if it works for you thats great.

I just wonder how you would cope with a guy that insisted on paying full lol.

I guess if I ever go to the US or Canada and run into a girl that insists on "going dutch" I'll just take her to the park or on a picnic.. anything beats the movies!

sexpert94 days ago

Unless the movie is a documentary or something that evokes conversation. If I get out of a movie, and I am just bursting at the seams to talk about it - then that makes a great post-movie conversation for the date.

I've had a guy insist a couple times, and it was weird. It felt condescending, like he wasn't listening to me, and would rather have his way than listen to me. There are other ways that you can show your appreciation for a person besides paying. If I say that I want to pay for myself, find another way to do something nice for me. There are other acts of consideration I will accept.

Then again, I'm a stubborn and assertive person, so if you don't like it, you probably shouldn't be dating me, lol!

BritishGuy94 days ago

I'm a big movie buff to be honest but you know when your out and about with somebody new you wanna talk to them about things.

You don't want to make it into a interrogation or interview but you still want something to say. You guys probably can't tell but I talk a lot :P

Hmm other acts of consideration huh lol.. kidding

No seriously I am coming around to what you are saying now.

I wouldn't be like "WOMAN BE QUIET" it'd be like "ok fine you can pay half but you owe me".. no ill stop being silly now really :P

I've not really run into it before though so I wouldn't really know how to deal with it.

scarlettewiththerope93 days ago

I believe that whoever does the asking out should be prepared to pay for the date... after all, you don't necessarily know the other person's financial situation, and you did ask them out. When my first boyfriend and I went on our first date, I suggested we go to a concert because my friend who was supposed to go with me dropped out; since it was my idea, I didn't let him pay me back for his ticket. To balance it out, he took me to dinner first. I thought it was a great solution :)

All that said, I always offer to pay my own half. Yet to have a guy accept, lol, but I always offer!

BritishGuy93 days ago

Hmm interesting. I wish girls in Britain would offer their own half then we wouldnt be a in a bloody recession!

Seriously though I can understand where the 2 of you are coming from.

I think you ladies are way too suspicious of guys though lol.

scarlettewiththerope93 days ago

It's not that I feel like a guy will expect anything if he pays, it's more that I just believe in equality in all aspects of a relationship. It just doesn't seem fair to make a guy pay the whole way in this day & age where women work & support themselves. Although I'm broke enough not to mind it when a guy won't let me pay, lol. I've yet to encounter a guy who wasn't just doing it to be nice.

RelaxIt142 days ago

Mikko this is great advice. Easiest thing in the world for people to talk about is themselves. It comfortable and they obviously know more about it then anyone else. Knowing this, people should get their dates talking about themselves. It will make their date feel comfortable in conversation, while at the same time make themselves seem like good listeners.

scarlettewiththerope136 days ago

Mikko, GREAT point about the complaining thing! I have been in situations with guys where I didn't think anything of sharing my thoughts on something that didn't thrill me, and it NEVER occurred to me that one little comment could be interpreted as complaining. Great advice to focus on positives :)

Kyle Miracle164 days ago

Hahaha! Soooo true!

PinkRoses165 days ago

What would you suggest talking about if not the more serious things you mention above. Just so you know, I completely agree with you, I just want to hear your suggestions. I a lot of people will not know what else to talk about.

I also completely agree with the four star dinner. If you are looking for a lady who cares mostly about money then go for it. That's probably a good strategy. However, you will not win over most women best on that. I would be flattered you were willing to treat me so nicely but it's not going to play much of a factor, if at all, on if I'm interested. I rather do something fun that I can get to know who you are and not how big your wallet is (that will come later, just kidding =D )

Kyle Miracle165 days ago

Great points guys! As far as discussion goes, I like to ask her one or two moderately personal questions then share my own accounts based on her responses. My goal is to show her that I'm capable of understanding her and capable of showing my own emotions, rather than guarding myself or being insecure. Like always, confidence is key (and yes, a good sense of humor is a sign of confidence!)


e

skylinesandsunsets164 days ago

@ Pinkroses - Talk about things that are inspiring, fun, intriguing, thought provoking, and so on.
"What's your idea of fun?"
"What arouses your senses?"
"What have you been doing with your spare time these days?"
"What are you looking forward to?"

I also recommend talking about current events. The closer to home, the better! Thanks to the internet, it's never been easier. For example, who says twitter is useless? Not the way I use it! Check out www.happin.in

Happin.in is a website that analyzes twitter's topic trends (say it three times!). Just find your city to read what local people are tweeting about. Hot topics on a stick! I've found happin.in to be a great source for conversation fodder.

Some other handy websites for hot topics are :
* digg.com
* mentalfloss.com
* asylum.com (love those pull down menus that makes searching faster)
* opposingviews.com (it can be controversial, so use with caution)
* thedailybeast.com

Enjoy!

TheDude165 days ago

I agree, the "dinner and a movie" date...so overplayed, cliche, outdated. Do something more fun, maybe a little out of the box and creative. You'll stand out to her.

StillFiguringItOut164 days ago

I agree

a) a dinner is a long commitment, if it's someone you don't really know then a coffee or drink is the best way to start...
b) a movie isn't a date at all in my opinion ... it's fun, but there is limited interaction for 1-2 hours