Orgasms
Having trouble with orgasms?
I'm doing an article for a national women's magazine (you've seen it on the newstands!) about why women often have difficulties with orgasm.
So, Gals...Is anyone out there having trouble reaching orgasm, either just during sex or during oral sex and/or masturbation too? What effect does it have on you and how do you cope with it?
SexWriter
conceptualclarity98 days ago
Answer 1 of 12
Is this article sent off or still in pre...
Is this article sent off or still in preparation? If the latter I might want to share some research with you.
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sexpert137 days ago
Answer 2 of 12
When is this going to be published?...
When is this going to be published?
MsLoVe137 days ago
Answer 3 of 12
The answer is YES. This immediately make...
The answer is YES. This immediately makes me think back to about 2 years ago when I first started dating my current boyfriend and had this "problem". For the first 2 months of our relationship I couldn't reach orgasm and it started to really effect not only me but our sex life and in turn my boyfriend and our relationship. I started thinking something was really wrong with me, and even thought that maybe it was something wrong with my relationship. The more I stressed about it the worse it got and it just became a cycle.
After spending far to much time dwelling on it, I forced myself to relax and embraced the fact that sex was still fun despite my little problem. Almost instantly after I changed my way of thinking, it got easier. I think that I had to relax mentally before I could actually let myself reach orgasm.
It could have also had to do with the fact that it was a new relationship and I wasn't completely comfortable yet, but I think the bigger thing was the mental part not the physical. **Moral of the story: I have found you have to let your self go mentally before you can let yourself "OOH" physically!**
commonman138 days ago
Answer 4 of 12
i know that obv. most women know this bu...
i know that obv. most women know this but when it comes to the woman orgasming its actually really intimidating for the guy, im guessing all men are like this because all my friends etc. certainly do. it really plays on your mind as a guy, especially if a girl says summit like her last boyfriend wasnt good in bed, or couldnt make her orgasm, etc. etc. or your friends (female) start discussing the best (and worst) they'v had, which comes up way too often.
its quite a big deal for the guy because when women say things like that it makes us think that if maybe we aint so good lots of people are gonna know, its kinda like losing a little of your manhood haha a strange but effective way to put it.
oohlookasquirrel144 days ago
Answer 5 of 12
I get off perfectly by myself because th...
I get off perfectly by myself because there is absolutely no pressure and I can quit if I don't feel like finishing without hurting anybody's feelings.
When I'm with a partner, I sometimes have trouble, especially if I am stressed or there is a time limit or I have some physical problem (leg cramp, chafing, a cold, etc.) or other distraction that keeps my mind preoccupied. If my mind is wandering to topics other than sex, or if I'm doubting that I will be able to have an orgasm for whatever reason, then it tends not to happen unless I can snap my mind out of it and put it back into a sexy place. I know that it is very important to my partner that I get off because he feels like he has failed when I don't, so there's always that unspoken pressure to get off so I don't hurt his feelings even though I've explained to him that it's all in my head and there's often nothing he could do to get me off if my mind isn't ready. And it's really true that it's all in my head. I never have an orgasm if I think I might not have one, but I always get off when I'm confident that I will.
Sometimes I cope by giving up on having an orgasm and just having fun without worrying about getting off. It's a great time to try positions that usually don't do it for me. This is my mindset for quickies because I rarely get off during them unless I've warmed myself up beforehand.
If I really want to get off, then I try to have sex when everything is perfect. I make sure I have everything on hand (lube, glass of water, tissues, toys with batteries) and that I'm not going to get hungry or tired in the middle of the experience. I insist upon a great deal of foreplay to get me in the right mindset. I use the things that turn me on the most to keep my mind in the game. Dressing up in something sexy can really help me because my boyfriend is especially willing to go through extra foreplay to prolong the time spent enjoying the sexy outfit, and I feel extra confident so my mind stays on task. If I find that my mind is wandering, I switch to a different activity that I can't help but focus on. For me, it's giving head because it forces my mind to think about sex without wandering to other things I need to worry about. During sex, I make sure to banish negative thoughts by redirecting my mind to my favorite fantasies. I just need to keep my mind on what works for me and not allow stress or doubt to get in the way of a good time.
rose134147 days ago
Answer 6 of 12
I didn't actually have an orgasm until I...
I didn't actually have an orgasm until I got myself a toy a few years back. I had always "thought" I had one, but soon realized that was not the case! Once I had an opportunity to figure things out for myself, I found it easier to orgasm during sex/oral sex. I felt more comfortable and confident knowing that it was possible and although it's still easier to climax when I use my toy as opposed to with a guy (sorry, guys! it's the vibrations :)).. I can now direct my guy as to what will help lead me there. I think all girls should have some sort of toy.. it helps you learn what works for you, and also kind of helps you realize what it's like for your guy to try and get you there.
BalletBeauty147 days ago
Answer 7 of 12
There are so many factors that could con...
There are so many factors that could contribute to women having trouble reaching a climax. As a woman, I know first hand it is mostly the lack of self confidence we initially have in the beginning of our relationships.
People fail to realize that women's orgasms are not purely physical. It is our mental and emotional state at the time that really put us over the edge. Before you really become comfortable with your partner it's common to be extremely self conscious. Instead of being relaxed and divulging in the pleasure, you're thinking, "Do I look good in this position?" or "I hope I'm not jiggling too much" or maybe "Oh God - Is he totally disgusted by that slurpy noise I can't control?" Let' face it... as great as sex is, it can get pretty nasty.
It personally took me a while (and a few partners) to finally have my first orgasm. The road to the "Big O" was quite frustrating for me. I tried everything from listening to soft music to help relax me to having a couple drinks to rid myself of the nerves. (I never recommend drunk sex, but a glass of red wine totally helps).
After years of trial and error, using different relaxation techniques and crazy positions to help me achieve what I so desperately wanted, I finally realized that it was my own overworking mind that was holding me back. At which point i had to tell myself that I'll never look perfect in my own mind but whoever I'm with will enjoy what I have to offer! Upon this realization, my inner sexual prowess was released : )
sexpert148 days ago
Answer 8 of 12
I didn't have any orgasms for two years ...
I didn't have any orgasms for two years with my first sexual relationship (at least from penetration, although he got me off once or twice with oral and manual stimulation). I just faked it the entire time.
Then I remember watched a Sex with Sue talk, and she talked about how to actually have an orgasm. It had never been explained to me that clitoral orgasms were different from g-spot, and I was amazed, I had been so close to orgasm all this time and not realizing it, because I was expecting a clitoral orgasm.
Suddenly, I went turbo-orgasmic! I had a super amazing lover, and he was very giving and had good endurance, so every time we had sex, I would cum till I physically could not have another orgasm. from this I learned what I needed to think in my head, how to move my hips, or what to ask my partner to do to get me off. I became an expert on my own body in a week or two, and I turned into a freaky sex crazed girlfriend. A couple relationships later, I found a guy that could make me squirt too (although this has been harder to learn and it's not something I feel that I can bring on, the way I feel I can encourage orgasms).
If you are my friend, then I have had the talk with you about female orgasms. Whether you are male or female, I have told you, in my effort to encourage female orgasm throughout my community. I consider it a public service.
Serendipity148 days ago
Answer 9 of 12
I personally don't have many issues with...
I personally don't have many issues with this but I think it's pretty cool what you're doing. I will definitely pass this link around and see if anyone could help out.
Kinkster148 days ago
Answer 10 of 12
Let's start with some background info, s...
Let's start with some background info, shall we? I was a really late bloomer when it came to discovering masturbation. I hadn't really figured out what I was doing well into my teens. When I was 16, I started taking antidepressants, which can have libido related side-effects. As such, I've never had an orgasm, not solo, not with my boyfriend. But I don't really let it get to me.
I'm kinda new to sex (just lost my v-card not too long ago) and I know I still have alot of experimentation to go before I know whether or not everything doesn't work. So maybe I'll end up having tons of orgasms. I don't know yet.
Because I don't have the climax and something to build up to, I tend to take a slow, relaxed approach to sex. I can go for quite a long time before getting tired and sore. For me, it's about the journey, how much pleasure I can fit into the time I have.
starlit148 days ago
Answer 11 of 12
I think orgasms come more naturally to s...
I think orgasms come more naturally to some women simply because of how their body is built. For others though, it takes a lot of concentration and a strong emotional connection with the other person to reach an orgasm. Personally, I feel like not having one effects my guy more than it does me. Sex is still amazing without one, but I worry that he doesn't know that and feels he isn't good in bed and I'm not enjoying it. Communicating what to do to increase the chances of having an orgasm is key - but also communicating that you aren't upset with him if you don't have one is also just as important.
COLTOR148 days ago
Answer 12 of 12
I guess this is sort of related, but my ...
I guess this is sort of related, but my current girlfriend really wasn't that interested in masturbation before we met. She thought it felt nice, but it never led to an orgasm. I was really intimidated to enter a physical relationship because I guess I was insecure about my ability to "give a woman an orgasm to prove my manliness" (though that isn't at all what sex is about, now I know) I finally worked up the courage to make our physical relationship more serious a week after she had her first orgasm. (I didn't know) I guess what I'm trying to convey is that women who can't or don't have orgasms are, to say the least, intimidating to the uneducated man.
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