Sex in a Relationship
Could you enter a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't sexually satisfy you??
So often women write about (or talk about) being willing to compromise and settle for a relationship that doesn't satisfy them sexually. It seems quite common, and yet it's something I could never do.
I'm currently taking a poll on this topic on my blog. http://www.sex-lies-dating.com/6390665
I'd also love to hear your opinions here.
30FLondon274 days ago
Answer 1 of 6
I think it's a difficult one. Love is m...
I think it's a difficult one. Love is more than sex, yet sex should be part of a loving relationship.
I don't think I personally could compromise for no sex, or less sex than I, for one, desire. I know that it could only be short-lived, sooner or later I would get too frustrated and probably have to end the relationship.
I've written about this previously and I still feel the same - If sex tapers naturally throughout a relationship, I would prefer it fade from ten times a week to five, than from five times a week to two... or worse one or even worse still none!
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scarlettewiththerope276 days ago
Answer 2 of 6
I definitely couldn't. Sex is very impor...
I definitely couldn't. Sex is very important to me. I intentionally explore our sexual compatibility early on; I'm also a very open person though, and expect my partner to be equally so. I'm also cautious about serious commitment in a relationship, so maybe that extends the time line for me.
steveo7279 days ago
Answer 3 of 6
This is a great question. My answer...fl...
This is a great question. My answer...flat out NO. A healthy (and fun) sex life is just way too important for me to sacrifice. I think you have to be sexually satisfied in a relationship or else it will lead to all kinds of problems between the two of you. This is one of the main reasons why I hate the celibacy argument, and when people say "You should wait til your married to have sex". No you shouldn't. Because, not to mention that you won't have a frame of reference, if that person sucks in the sack, you're gonna be locked into marriage that's missing a big chunk of enjoyment.
sexpert280 days ago
Answer 4 of 6
I agree with oohlookasquirrel in that it...
I agree with oohlookasquirrel in that it is easy to get into a relationship with someone who doesn't satisfy you. And a big thing is that things change. A girl may marry an older guy, he goes through his male menopause (yes, men lose testosterone as they get older) and then isn't as interested in sex when she is still young and fertile and hormonal. One of you might get cancer, and then suddenly your partner is in chemo, and you're left in a stressful situation without sex, sometimes for years.
There is no guarantee that a person is going to be able to sexually satisfy you for the rest of your life. So how do you deal with it? Do you accept it as long as it's a short term issue? Do you resort to cheating? what about open relationships? There are many options for you, including therapy.
I do believe in communication and compromises in a relationship. So say I am much more comfortable in an open relationship, but my bf wants monogamy. What do we do? By talking about it in a safe and nonjudgemental way, we might be able to come to a compromise that we can both live with, even if it isn't optimal for either of us.
Now, as many of you know, I'm pansexual. I also have this annoying thing where I want what I can't have, or don't have, so if I am in a relationship with a guy, I tend to want boobs more, and if I'm with a girl, I want to be nailed by a penis. I wish it wasn't that way for me, but it's something that I deal with. So what is my solution? I let my partner know. I let them know that I love monogamy, but I also don't like feeling trapped, and I at least need to feel like I have the option to branch out, and sometimes just feeling like I have the option is enough to satisfy me. A big thing for me is knowing what I want/like and being able to communicate it with my partner.
Would I ever get into a relationship with someone who outright said that they would not be interested in any compromise on this issue? Probably not, especially not long term, and especially not marriage. I know myself well, and I know what's good for me. If I don't believe that this person is the best person for me, then I will go seek greener pastures. It sounds selfish, and maybe it is, but it also helps ensure positive and healthy relationships, so I don't apologize.
oohlookasquirrel280 days ago
Answer 5 of 6
It would be easy to get into a relations...
It would be easy to get into a relationship with a person who doesn't meet your sexual needs, because there usually isn't a good way to find out what both of your sexual needs are without lots and lots of practice. You might think you're compatible but then move in together and find out that your partner wants sex once a month and you want to keep having sex daily. Or maybe your partner will reveal a new interest that he/she can't live without but you have no interest in trying. I think it would be really hard to avoid getting into a LTR with someone who wasn't a good sexual match, because it is hard to know who is a good match without lots of practice sex.
Now marriage, never. If someone is unsatisfied, they're eventually going to look elsewhere or be miserable and resent their partner for not being willing or able to satisfy their desires. This is why sex before marriage is a REALLY GOOD IDEA. You don't want to end up with a house and kids before you realize that you're sexually miserable and need a different partner to make you happy.
Then again, you could always marry someone you get along with and keep a household and have kids together and have a different partner satisfy your sexual needs, as long as you have an understanding with your partner. I wouldn't seek out this situation intentionally, but I could deal with it if that's how my life worked out.
RelaxIt280 days ago
Answer 6 of 6
I don't think I could. Clearly a relati...
I don't think I could. Clearly a relationship doesn't rely on just the sex but I definitely want to be happy in the bedroom. I've never cheated on anyone in my life and I never will so whoever I'm with is going to be the only person I have sex with. Considering that, it's pretty important that we can satisfy each other in the bedroom and keep things interesting. I think communication can solve this problem for any couple. It's just a matter if people are willing to communicate about sex and figure out what makes both people happy
