Flirting
Can someone explain how insulting a girl is flirting?
Okay, now I am new to the whole PUA idea, and I'll admit I'm not overly informed, so it's easy to change my opinion at some point.
I have seen multiple times on this website people encouraging guys to insult a girl in order for her to talk to you. I don't get it. If a guy insulted me, I wouldn't see him as cocky, or badass, I would see him as socially incompetent. Personally, I want a guy to be charming and out going, not rude.
It seems like the psychology seems to be that to insult a girl makes her feel like she hasn't won your approval and therefore she tries to impress YOU, rather than the other way around. But why would I want to impress a jerk? I don't feel a strong need for other people, especially strangers, to validate me that way.
Now, I'm not every girl, and there are girls out there that are seeking validation and approval, but are those the girls that you want to get with? Ones who are insecure and needy?
Another approach I've heard of is to insult the girl that you want to get with, and then compliment her friend, creating competition between them. If someone came up and insulted me OR my friend, I would quickly be removing me and my friend from that situation. I would never want to get with a guy that insulted my friend, I'm too protective for that. And I wouldn't want to get with a guy who insults me, because I think respect is so key to a relationship. If he doesn't care about my feelings within the first 30 seconds of meeting me, then why would be care about my safety or my boundaries? It's a safety thing, I don't date jerks who don't respect me.
So I guess I'm asking, why does this work? And do you really want to be with the girls this method works for? Am I missing the point?
theomusiii140 days ago
Answer 1 of 4
Yeah, it makes no sense to me either
I think the biggest problem with this misguided approach to interactions is that it says, to all of the world, "I never matured past middle school, and since I can't pull your pigtails anymore, I'll just say mean things to you." Oh yeah, that's sexy....?
Teasing and joking around is something I always do, with all of my friends, especially when I'm flirting. The thing is, a joke is not the same as a straight up insult....
The whole point of this is to elicit a laugh, not to make anyone feel bad, that's the polar opposite of what I want to do when flirting.
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Kyle Miracle228 days ago
Answer 2 of 4
There's no question sexpert, you're spot...
There's no question sexpert, you're spot on. And it's always made me cringe to hear a guy say, "Man, I totally just "NEG'ed" that girl and she didn't even have a come-back!" Starting out, some guys make the mistake of confusing the term TEASING, which is a form of flirting, with INSULTING, which is never good.
It's more than acceptable for a girl to be offended when a guy insults her. YET, if a guy does accidentally push the boundary too far, or somehow offends the girl(s) he's talking to, an apology is in order and then everyone can move on. Everyone makes mistakes, and it takes a real man to apologize for it.
The reason teasing is such a great part of flirting, is because a guy who lacks confidence (or self respect) will be stunned by a beautiful girl, just like a deer in the headlights, and won't tease her; whereas a confident guy will see it as fun. This example alone is a pretty good sign of how confident a guy is. And of course there are always exceptions - some confident guys don't tease, and some guys naturally tease but have no confidence.
Now you might be able to see how a guy who has never really believed in himself but wants to meet women, might feel totally uncomfortable trying this new teasing thing and mistake teasing with insulting. That right there is where the misconception started.
No one (who teaches anything valuable) in the PUA industry teaches men to insult women. This is one of those nasty assumptions that we try to steer clear of.
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RelaxIt228 days ago
Answer 3 of 4
I've looked at the PUA stuff and some of...
I've looked at the PUA stuff and some of it is interesting. I've tried certain things not because I'm trying to be "the man" but just curious to see how women react. For starters I think a lot of the PUA's play the numbers game. They first are just trying to get a girls attention..so I think they figure if they approach 10 girls in a night and can get 1 or 2 of their attention (even if it's an insult) then with their attention they can talk their way to success.
For me, I rather talk to one or two girls that really interest me and try to nail it. I definitely don't feel like it's worth the trouble or taking the chances by insulting her to grab her attention and then try to win her back over after I have it.
There are a couple things the PUA's preach that I do agree with. They teach a man how to be observant. I think this is key. Stop worrying about what to say when you approach someone and worry more about just observing the persons behavior. I also think it's better to grab someones attention then just go up and introduce yourself. I don't think grabbing their attention by being a douche bag is the best way though. I would maybe say something in regards to something happening around you.
Good example is a girl watching the television at a bar ....just go up to her and say something about what's on the tv. It doesn't have to be some cutting, smooth, deeper meaning, pick-up line. It can be simply, "so you like basketball huh?" Just friendly talk and a way to loosen up right off the bat. Talk about that for a minute and then introduce yourself (which she might already have) and move into more fun conversation. All at the same time of observing her body language to get a feel if she's enjoying the conversation or not.
Simone de Boudoir231 days ago
Answer 4 of 4
I don't get it either. I have completely...
I don't get it either. I have completely the same opinion. If a random guy came up to me and attempted to flirt with me by being insulting me, I'm pretty sure I'd tell him to get lost and then some.
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