The Children
My parents are getting divorced...
So I'm 21 and my parents are deciding to get divorced. It's been a long time coming and it's not a shock. I think it's for the better so I'm not depressed or down about it.
My problem is this. Although I mostly live on campus at my University, I do call my parent's house home during the holidays and summer. My parents have decided to leave the decision up to me as to which of them I want to live with when I'm at home.
They are both waiting to here my decision because whichever I parent I choose will get an apartment with two bedrooms. Unfortunately my parents don't make a ton of money so they both can't buy 2 bedroom apartments.
I know I can sleep at either of their houses any night but the one parent who has the extra bedroom will ultimately be the parent I stay with most of the time. I'll have my bed, clothes, and other junk there.
So what in the world do I do? I know my parents are trying to be nice and giving me the option of choosing but how in the hell am I suppose to choose? I don't love one more than the other and I don't want them to think that. I know they'll say they won't care who I choose but I just feel bad about choosing in the first place.
How should I handle this dilemma?
dragonfly141 days ago
Answer 1 of 4
Choosing one over the other
It seems like you're choosing one over the other, but REALLY you don't have to look at it that way. I'm guessing there's one choice that might be more logical than the other. SO, maybe it's ok to use that as your decision maker. Truth is, you love them both and you need to communicate that to them. And truth is also that their intention is probably to make it easier on you, but they're really not succeeding. I would talk to them about that. Where you live is not necessarily the one you talk to most about the important things. So remember that. Sharing a kitchen isn't the same as sharing a confidence. You can still have a very close relationship with both parents, regardless of which one you live with.
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Kinkster142 days ago
Answer 2 of 4
You will always be their child.
Oh man, I'm sorry I didn't see this question sooner. I know exactly what you're going through. My parents divorced about 3 years ago when I was 16, and a similar situation arose not long after.
It's wonderful that you feel so strongly about both your parents, really it is. The thing is, it's your parents who are making you choose, so you have been freed from any blame that might arise if one parent finds they're unhappy once an arrangement has been made. You say you can sleep at either house at any time, which leads me to believe your parents will still both be in the same city. If so, and choosing one parent won't mean being light years away from the other one, StillFiguringItOut made a great point about being able to financially justify the space. Not that that's something you should worry about. It sounds like your parents are pretty even when it comes to income, if not, they need to work out alimony or support or whatever they need to do to make sure the parent with the 2 bedrooms can afford it.
Most importantly, and I heard this from a certified Therapist, you will always be their child. They are the parents, and even though you're 21 and a fully responsible adult, the fact is that as long as you still call them home for any length of time, they have an obligation to consider your feelings. If you really feel uncomfortable choosing, pull them both into a conversation and all three of you can work it out together.
Hope I helped.
scarlettewiththerope203 days ago
Answer 3 of 4
I've been there! Not the exact same lead...
I've been there! Not the exact same lead up, but still the same situation in the end. My solution was to get my own place and just visit both of them. Is there any chance that can work for you? If not, I'd say go with whoever it would put less financial strain on, or if one is more mature about the situation and would understand better then maybe it would be easiest to have 'your' room at the others place.
StillFiguringItOut203 days ago
Answer 4 of 4
I've never been in this situation so I'm...
I've never been in this situation so I'm not sure how valuable my input would be but I think what you've said here is valuable to tell them... that you love them both equally, and you are not sure how you would go about choosing...
To me I would think it's really their decision who, if even either, who gets a 2 bedroom apartment... I mean you are not there for most of the year, I don't know what the expectations are for coming home or visiting there are post University, their interest in being able to host other guests, and they have to financially justify having that space.
It's wonderful they are considering your input, but would you consider either place home? (not being where you grew up)
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