sexpert194 days ago

I don't think what most women were objecting to was the idea of someone ending a casual relationship. That's something that most grown women can cope with, especially if a guy has been honest with expectations throughout the sexual relationship.

The part that most women were upset about, was the complete lack of communication. If the relationship has changed, let us know. Don't disappear and expect us to get the picture, actually let us know "btw, things have changed, we're not going to sleep together anymore. I think you're great, have a nice life, and I really mean that. Bye"

The idea of ending a relationship by not saying goodbye needlessly drags it out, deceives the woman involved, and makes it hard for her to get closure. Again, if you liked her enough to sleep with her, at least have the respect to let her know that you won't be talking with her anymore. It is soooo much easier that way.

scarlettewiththerope194 days ago

I agree with everything Sexpert said there, and I'd like to add that I totally agree that there's no rule that says you have to be friends. I've not wanted to be friends with the majority of the people I've slept with, lol (hmm, not sure what that says about me...) The whole point is to say what you mean and mean what you say. As in... don't say you wanna be friends when you don't actually want to.

immilla197 days ago

I completely disagree with you recommending #2 over #1. First of all, I wouldn't want to be friends with a guy that didn't have the balls to just tell me he wasn't feel things anymore. I understand that your intention is to not hurt the chick, but lemme tell you something... You will drag on the time she has to over-analyze why you haven't contacted her, your reasons for pulling away, if SHE did something really wrong etc. From experience, this brings a lot of anxiety and I wish I would have had a guy who was straightforward enough to be like, "look I'm just not into this anymore..." rather than leave me with 1,000 questions to ponder over during his disappearance. Yea, if I really liked him I'd probably be upset... but I'd respect him a lot more.

scarlettewiththerope197 days ago

Oh, I can't tell you how much I (and every other female I know) HATE it when a guy does the avoidance bullshit. I'm sorry (actually, I'm not), but saying he should 'wean her off' him?! That is the most arrogant piece of 'advice' I've ever heard. When a woman is having casual sex with you, repeatedly, and hasn't talked about attachments etc, she's right there with you on the casual level. She's a grown up person with just as much agency with the guy, ie, she makes her own decisions with the full knowledge of what she's doing. Anyway, here's some of what comes to mind about a guy who does the disappearing act in this situation (in no particular order):

1) Gee, I hope he didn't die!
2) ...I hope I didn't do something really gross.
3) What a fucking dick.
4) Who's the next dick gonna be?

etc, etc, etc to infinity, and beyond.


To the men of the world: the disappearing act is bullshit unless it's completely mutual. If we've been hanging out and apparently having a good time, have the basic human respect to be up front with us and treat us like adults. For Christ sake. This is a basic test of humanity, as far as I'm concerned.

immilla197 days ago

That a girl. Maybe Thinkr148 will take our advice too cause lord knows Small Fry isn't the only one who needs help here.

Thinkr148196 days ago

Yea I figured I would get some flack for this one lol. I viewed smallfry's situation a bit differently....if this was just "casual sex" without attachments then the answer to his question is simple. Be honest. Tell her you wanna stop hooking up and thats that. If there were no attachments, she'd just move on.The fact that he even asked this question in the first place tells me that he's under the impression that she might be looking for more and has developed some feelings. Maybe I read that the wrong way, but if that's the case, then based on my personal experience (and trust me, i've tried it both ways) it's always worked out better in the end to distance myself from the girl.

StillFiguringItOut196 days ago

Worked out better for who/how? You mean you didn't experience her pain as you mysteriously disappear and you didn't have to feel guilty? Assuming one has been consistent with words and actions (which is difficult to do, especially when sex is involved), being matter of fact (undramatic and not personalizing it) allows her to know what's going on so she can deal with it. Then if you want to give space to make it easier for both of you, that's actually a good thing. But just don't leave her hanging... [btw, the rules go both ways, a woman shouldn't play yes/no games with men either]

sexpert195 days ago

Okay, everyone has already said what I wanted to say, but just from personal experience, I hate the disappearing act. This one guy that I was sleeping with ended up going to Afghanistan (he's in the infantry) without telling me that he was being deployed early or even saying goodbye.

Bottom line: If you like a girl enough to put your dick in her, than please have the respect to give her the update if your relationship status has changed.

It is SO much easier to deal with reality than to try to simultaneously deal with all the "what ifs" and not have closure.