Sex and Society
Sexually experienced women... But not due to number.
So my girlfriend is sleeping with this guy who is under the impression her number of sexual partners is much higher than it actually is. He thinks this because she is very dominate in the bedroom, likes to explore and try new things and knows her body well-- pretty much, she's good and fucking. This may make him feel a little insecure or intimidated but I find it rather annoying that his automatic assumption is that she's "been around". Why are girls often viewed as sluts if they know what they're doing in bed and enjoy being sexual?
Simone de Boudoir227 days ago
Answer 1 of 3
Yeah, people tend to think my number is ...
Yeah, people tend to think my number is way higher than it is because I'm a prostitute (thus, I must be fucking all day every day all the time!). In reality, I see a select number of clients per week (usually no more than 3 when I'm in school) and half the time I don't even work because I'm too busy doing other things. Then again, my number is pretty high compared to everyone elses (I actually lost count at 38, and that was before I became a whore).
But your number of partners has nothing whatsoever to do with your skill in the bedroom. Case in point: the best sex I ever had was with a guy who had had only two previous sexual partners. As sexpert has already succintly stated, it's the number of times you have sex, and the care and thought you put into learning about your partner that will allow you to grow sexually.
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sexpert229 days ago
Answer 2 of 3
It's funny that people tend to equate th...
It's funny that people tend to equate the number of people that you have slept with to experience overall. I had a bf, and I was only the second person he had ever slept with (he was closer to my 15th, I think?) and he had actually had sex more times than I had. My number is higher than my friends because I tended to get into casual sex relationships where we would have sex a few times, and then move on, so although the number of partners is high, the actual number of times I've had sex can be much lower than someone who has had one or two serious long term relationships.
I find it funny when people hear the number of people that I've slept with and assume I am a sex goddess. Oh my dear lord, no! I have a lot to learn. But learning if half the fun. Besides, I've been with very experienced guys, and it was almost a detriment, because they assumed I was like other girls, and I tend to be the exact opposite of other girls. They tried to treat me like someone else, and it failed. Compare that to a guy that has only had one or two other partners, and hopefully he is open to direction and that "omg, what am I doing?" mindset actually helps me to get him to do exactly what I want him to. Again, numbers do not equal skill. Listening to your partner, and reacting to their needs makes you a good partner.
See, being a good lover has little to do with experience. Sure, you pick up tricks along the way, and you learn a wide variety of techniques, but what makes you a really great lover (in my opinion) is being confident and comfortable with you who are, listening to your partner, being willing to try new things, and being able to laugh at yourself. None of these skills require you to sleep with vast numbers of people in order to obtain them.
Of course, your actual question was why women are viewed as "sluts" (which has a negative connotation) if they are good in bed. Well, there is a phenomenon that is well documented in feminist theory called "the madonna/whore complex" or "the virgin and the whore complex" which basically means that women can be viewed as two extremes sexually. either you are virginal (which is preferred, and in some extreme cases necessary in order to be viewed as attractive or even a potential partner), or they are a whore. Either you open your legs to no one, or you open them to everyone. There is no in between or middle ground. There are "nice girls" and "bad girls". Men that (unconsciously) follow this way of thinking can be very intimidated by a woman in bed, since the only way a woman can be good at sex is if she has slept with lots of people, and if she enjoys sex (oh no!) then it must mean that she is indiscriminate with her partners.
There is some interesting literature on this stuff, but I always write super long posts anyway, so go look it up on your own. There are some really interesting insights that come out of it.
MC423230 days ago
Answer 3 of 3
I don't think that's the case at all. W...
I don't think that's the case at all. When I'm with a girl who is confident in the bedroom I for starters think it's great. Being with someone who is confident is always a good feeling.
I never assume it's because they are a slut or because they have been around. Also at my age, the majority of girls have had sex a number of times and have had a couple relationships to open up and find out what they like.
I think if he is a little intimidated or insecure it's because he hasn't been with anyone and it's hurting his ego. He probably can't handle the fact that he's not the one in control. Either he has to get over it, take charge, or things just won't work out in the long run
