From my perspective, this isn't a choice between your ex-girlfriend and your current one, these are two completely distinct choices. And I would suggest your ex-girlfriend is distracting you from questions around your current relationship.

You have been in this relationship for a over a year and feel she's great, with a few questions. What's important here is to clarify if these are real issues or not, or if it's the ex-girlfriend causing you to see issues where there are none, and/or if it's simply anxiety (questioning) from being in a long term relationship (quite a normal reaction as your lives together grow and evolve together, and you learn about yourselves and each other).

I do agree that it is best to ignore the ex-girlfriend right now (completely, because it is difficult to keep her off your mind) and focus on your relationship. I wouldn't tell your girlfriend you want 'time apart' because this tends to make things unsafe (for her) and causes communication to break down. [that doesn't mean you can't find a way to make space for yourself to think about this... say go for a run, or go for a walk in the park]

I would think about what is truly important to you in life, what you truly want and what you do not want as well. Then sit down with your girlfriend and ask her about her positions on your career and drive - mainly to understand where she's coming from. You may find out that she's fine with your career and drive but would like to see you more often, or has other needs you weren't aware of that get expressed as frustration with your job... by understand what she needs, you are in a better position to fine tune your relationship so you are both satisfied with it.

That being said, you may find that you two want completely different things, and are better friends than partners. So a second option is to focus on your career and living life true to yourself... that way, you are more likely to find a partner that aligns with who you truly are.

Then off living your life, and happy, you are in a better position to explore whether your ex-girlfriend is right for you. The key questions then are a) can you truly trust her and let go of the past [maybe she's trustable, but if you are always questioning her actions you will both be miserable and it will fail] and b) *what has changed* such that this will work out this time when last time it didn't, why does she suddenly feel you are the one when you weren't before?

But first things first - your ex does not matter in this moment. Be true to yourself, and true to those you love... let go of the distractions such as entertaining thoughts of your ex-girlfriend because your current girlfriend is great and deserves the respect of you focusing on your current relationship first. Then sit down and listen to her concerns, truly listen to and respect her viewpoint, not the words but the meaning... she has her needs, and may express those as frustrations around your job, but when you understand what they are you can find ways that you both can be happy.

Communication is the primary indicator of success in a relationship.

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Here's my advice. Don't focus on the ex right now at all. I know that's hard because you can't stop thinking about her, but in order to make the right decision here you need to focus on your current relationship. Try to imagine that you're ex never came back into the picture. Would you still be considering breaking up with your girlfriend? Are you're reasons truly justified or are they being clouded by your feelings for your ex?

Without knowing more about your current relationship, it sounds like it may be good to spend some time apart, or at least have a serious conversation about your concerns. You need to be with someone who's supportive of your lifestyle and career. I also think that meshing with a persons sense of humor is extremely important, so for me that would be a problem too.

I would just caution you about jumping right into something with your ex. You obviously had very strong feelings for her and she fucked you over. Now that SHE got fucked over, she came back to you. That's a dangerous situation. Don't let her make you the rebound guy and then just go move on to the next best thing when it comes along. And you certainly don't want to do to your current girlfriend, what your ex did to you. Sounds like she deserves better than that.

Be open with your current girlfriend and stay true to your feelings. Sometimes we can't admit it to ourselves, but deep down we always know whether or not it will work out. When it comes to your ex, be smart. Think with your head, not just your heart. Be careful and be patient. Don't just jump head first into something that could be a big mistake. Hope that helps!

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