Issues with Friends
If you're in a relationship, can you still hang out w/ the opposite sex?
Since I started dating my current girlfriend I've realized that I've spent A LOT less time with some of my friends. In particular, my friends that are girls. A few of these girls I've known forever and love spending time with them, and its purely a friendship, nothing more. But now that I'm in a relationship I'm not sure how I feel about hanging out with them. If I were to go over at night to hang out with one of them, I think my gf might get a little upset.
My question is....do you think that it's alright to hang out with friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship? I know it's a trust thing...but how would you feel about it if it was your significant other doing it?
sexpert43 days ago
Answer 1 of 3
I'm pansexual (or bisexual if you prefer...
I'm pansexual (or bisexual if you prefer), so I don't get along with jealous people very well, because everyone is seen as a potential partner to cheat with. So I understand your dilemma in trying to communicate that you are only interested in her and not the other girls.
If my partner is a little concerned about who I am hanging out with, I try to be very transparent. I have nothing to hide. I will say exactly who I am with, exactly where I am going, and if I have ever slept with any of these people before, or ever dated any of them. If my partner gets wary, I always offer for them to meet my friends. I do want all of my friends to get along, and that way they can see the chemistry we have is purely friendship, or at least they can put a face and personality to a name.
Ask your friends if it's okay if she adds them to facebook. Invite her to join you when you hang out with your friends. If she doesn't feel excluded, if she sees transparency, and has a chance to get to know these girls, then she'll probably feel better.
I personally much rather date guys that have a lot of female friends. I recognize the benefits since they are much more familiar with the bizarre world that is female relationships. You have an advantage in dating girls because you have female friends, remind your girlfriend that without you having these female friends, she probably wouldn't be as attracted to you. Also, if any of them have bfs/gfs, let her know, and let her meet the bfs/gfs.
And as StillFiguringItOut brought up, the healthier your relationship with her, and the more reassured that she is that you love her and care for her deeply, the easier it is for her to trust you. It's good to be close friends with your female friends while things are going good in your relationship so that if things get rocky, she won't blame your female friends and know to focus on the two of you. (if that makes any sense).
I think we often assume that our partners will be jealous and not understanding, but chances are, she wants the best for you, and the best for your relationship together, which probably means making sure you don't alienate your friends.
Being a good friend to all your friends is apart of being a good boyfriend. She can see how loyal and devoted you are to your friends, and she can begin to expect that same respect and loyalty in your relationship with her.
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StillFiguringItOut43 days ago
Answer 2 of 3
Scarlette pretty much nailed it :-) I'v...
Scarlette pretty much nailed it :-)
I've had girlfriends hang out with, and even who went on short overnight trips to specific events with guys, and it was OK with me. I recognized what these friends meant to her, which was different than my relationship to her.
Really I only see it as an issue if you don't feel like you are getting what you want out of your relationship and are unable to communicate it. IE, perhaps she talks to them more than you, or not doing similarly meaningful stuff with you, of if you are having problems and she spends time talking about your problems with other "new" friends... which then the issue is with your relationship, not with the friendship.
So communication is key.
scarlettewiththerope43 days ago
Answer 3 of 3
My bfs and I have always continued hangi...
My bfs and I have always continued hanging out with our friends of the opposite sex the same way we would if we weren't dating, and that's how I like it. If someone is going to cheat, they're gonna find a way to do it, so I see no point in preventative rule making.
In this situation, I say sit down and talk to your girlfriend openly and honestly. Find out her feelings on the issue, and tell her yours. Work together to find the solution that makes both of you happy. Personally, I don't think I could be with someone who was jealous of me hanging out with my friends, regardless of what time of day it was or what sex they were, but that's me. You have to know what each others boundaries are, and decide what you can live with from there.
