Breaking Up
What's the best way to get over a girl?
There's a girl, she rocks. She won me over in a way that hasn't been done in many years. But at the end of the day my heart is still broken, she won't open up to me, won't give me the time of day, and says she's got too much of her own stuff to work through.
Quite frankly there were probably several red flags, but I think I'm just attracted to red flags. I need to move on. It's affecting my productivity at work, my happiness, etc. The thing is I still want the girl.
To make it more difficult she's part of a tight-knit group of people in town. Suggestions?
HomeBoy39 days ago
Answer 1 of 2
I think sexpert gives great advice above...
I think sexpert gives great advice above. I just happened to watch the movie, 500 days of summer this weekend and it had me thinking about similar situations as the one you currently have.
**WARNIN** - if you haven't seen the movie and would like to...don't read on. I give too much away.
Like Sexpert said, our minds tend to build certain people up as these perfect people. It's the same thing that happens when people build up a famous person in their minds as their hero, their icon, etc. Then they meet the person and are completely let down because the person in their head does not really exist. We tend to do this with people we love as well.
So similar to what Sexpert said, begin to train your mind to think more logically about this girl. Anytime you think of something great about her or that you miss about her, make sure your remind yourself one of those things that really pisses you off about her.
Another thing that I loved about the movie 500 days of summer is that it takes you threw the entire process of a young guy falling for a girl,
making up his mind she's the one, not getting what he wants back mutually, and eventually getting hurt. It then takes you back to show you all the hints and red flags she gives him throughout their time together that indicates she doesn't feel mutually. He was just so into this girl that he was blinded by the light and never saw the signs.
Anyhow, its a great movie for the situation you're in because it shows you that often times you think someone is the one but they really aren't. It shows you how you sometimes make up your mind that the person is amazing and then go on to miss the things that actually show you that their not as compatible as you thought.
In your situation, I suggest you watch it ASAP
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sexpert40 days ago
Answer 2 of 2
There are a couple things that work for ...
There are a couple things that work for me.
1. Think of everything crappy about them. Sometimes I build up this idealized version of the person that I like in my head. I'm essentially falling for someone that doesn't exist. If I can remember what irks me about the person, or how they have hurt me, etc, it helps me to take them down off the pedestal and helps me to have more manageable feelings for them. yes, focus on the negative, the irritating, and the things you would normally be able to brush off.
2. Think about something else. I know this sounds self-explanatory, but every time you think about her in a positive way, you are reinforcing the neural pathways in your brain, making it easier to think about her again. Thinking about her is a habit, and sometimes, the best way to break the habit is to go cold turkey.
This gets a little bit complicated, because you see her often, and because you may have some feelings to work out, and ignoring feelings doesn't make them go away (well, not for the big stuff anyway). so you need to separate what you are thinking into constructive thoughts (ie: thinking about how to get over her, thinking about how you are going to handle the party with her there that night) with non-constructive thinking (ie: her hair smells really good).
Come up with a plan for when you start having non-constructive thinking. Distract yourself, sing a song, try saying the alphabet backwards, do something that will take your mind off of her, and eventually, it gets easier to get your brain to "turn the page" and stop thinking about her when you don't need to.
3. Fall in love with someone else. http://www.leftos.com/opinion/view/465 this explains the biochemical reason why this actually works, but essentially - try broadening your social circle to include other people. Go on other dates. Expose yourself to new locales that have no meaning related to her (don't bring your next date to her favourite restaurant).
4. And lastly - give it time.
Although you should probably also ask yourself about being attracted to red flags. What are these red flags? What is your type? Can you break away from that? Do yourself a favour, and next time you go on a date with someone, make she she isn't a clone of your currently fling.
Now back to that school education-thing that I'm SUPPOSED to be doing.
