Approaching Them
Approaching the prettiest girl in the bar
There are some girls that are just drop dead gorgeous. These girls usually have heard it all and every douche bag with greasy hair has offered them to by a drink. If you go up to them and try to be genuine and say your gorgeous i would like to buy you a drink and get to know you they automatically think your a creep. Not because you are but because the ten guys before you were creepy so its just natural for them to think that. So is there a good approach to going after the prettiest girl at the place? I would assume there has to be, because they wouldn't be there if they did not want to get approached
PinkRoses225 days ago
Answer 1 of 14
Looks like the consensus is be yourself....
Looks like the consensus is be yourself. But I think you should also try to avoid making things awkward. Find a good ice breaker to make the conversation easy for both people. Just going up to a girl and introducing yourself can work but sometimes I feel like it's some forced conversation that the guy is bringing upon me and I just want to get up and leave after it runs dry.
Try to think of something easy going to talk about that I can easily contribute to the conversation. Maybe something that's happening around us. That way it's easy for me to keep the convo going rather than feeling like I need to think of something to talk about...I mean you're the one who came up to me when should I be the one forced to find something to talk about
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BritishGuy226 days ago
Answer 2 of 14
Be yourself is the best advice you can g...
Be yourself is the best advice you can get in my opinion.
I mean when you go upto somebody if you are trying to put on a facade or be something your not the cracks start appearing pretty fast.
On the other hand just do what you always do whether that is tap dancing or asking if you can buy her a drink.
Don't put too much emphasis on what you "should" do because there isn't any answer. Women are not robots every woman is unique and every woman will respond to something different.
On the other hand if you go upto a woman and you are pleasant to talk to she has no reason to turn away from you.
As for the nice guy argument that isnt true either. Look guys if youre in a bar and you bring your Mary Poppins side your going to get ignored.
It doesn't have anything to do with women like guys that treat them like shit its because you are making yourself look needy.
If you want to approach a woman don't look like a quivering coward speak with a little authority and be confident in what you are saying.
Speak at your own pace and just be natural really and have something to say that isn't generic.
All in all everytime you put so much emphasis on what way to do something all your doing is robbing yourself of the opportunity to be yourself and get somewhere.
butterflymaiden271 days ago
Answer 3 of 14
Here are some do's and don'ts from a new...
Here are some do's and don'ts from a newbie. These are based on my own personal experience last night at a friend's fortieth burthday.
DO - be quick to buy her the round of drinks she has just ordered without asking if you can. Then say "have a lovely night" before you stroll confidently away from the bar.
DON'T - put your hand on her bum
DO - look at her from afar and smile a huge light up the room smile
DON'T - ask your mate to go over and say his friend fancies you
DO - say she looks like someone with depth and ask her lots of questions about herself
DON'T - "say ohh look you've got no wedding ring and you're fit", then tell her about the four kids you had with various other women from the age of 13!
DO - WASH your hands if the toilets are communal. Girls tell other girls who the mucky blokes are and no-one wants the hand that held your dick as you were having a pee stroking their face as you whisper sweet nothings into their ear.
DON'T - chat her friend up to get to her. If she's loyal and her friend has made out she likes you, you have totally ruined your chances.
DO - impress her and her friends with your searing wit and ask them all about themselves rather than homing in on the one you want that night.
DON'T expect tonight to be the night, but see it as a building block to a great dinner, then another great date and if you are lucky possibly something more physical further down the line.
DO and this is a big DO - ask would she mind if you gave her your number as you want her to text you when she gets home to tell you she got home safe.
DON'T - ask for her number unless you have got past first base or she has asked for yours
browolf271 days ago
Answer 4 of 14
the obvious answer is don't do what the ...
the obvious answer is don't do what the other guys do, clearly that doesn't work. A girl doesn't want to perceived as just as hot chick but valued for who she is. Yet she knows full well if you go up to her you are hitting on her in some fashion. It's your job to illustrate you're not like the other guys and view her as an individual and what's important to you are internal qualities. The most genuine thing you can do is openly disagree when you don't agree and major points for humorous misinterpretations of stuff she says. After that you can't completely shy away from the fact you are hitting on her, it's a game of sorts. Get her number and leave her wanting more.
DateDaily298 days ago
Answer 5 of 14
Never tell a woman she's gorgeous, unles...
Never tell a woman she's gorgeous, unless she isn't.
Remember: the way to a woman's heart is through her insecurities.
You said yourself, they hear how hot they are so often, they know it, you're telling them again won't set you apart. But telling her that the way her ears stick out is cute will definitely get the ball rolling in your court.
DateDaily.com
angelaoohlahlah344 days ago
Answer 6 of 14
Okay, okay boys! Person 1, I am SO SORR...
Okay, okay boys! Person 1, I am SO SORRY (sincerely) for offending you! Not my intent at all. I am actually diggin what you say now. But, to explore the reasons for what I said. The advice to "do what you want to do. dont worry about what she is going to think. either she likes what your doing or she doesnt." fares a LOT better with me than the advice to "Be an asshole. Not the asshole that buys her a drink. The asshole that spills shit on her and then doesnt apologize. Any pretty girl wants to be unwanted." Seems like your latest comments are much more thoughtful, thank you! And about the "fairy tale situation"...can you (or anyone else) expand on what parts of my advice/response you believe to be so unrealistic? I reread my post and still don't understand where you are coming from on that, but I'd like to hear your thoughts...and sorry again for any offense!
person1345 days ago
Answer 7 of 14
Kyle. Good post. I agree with most of wh...
Kyle. Good post. I agree with most of what your saying. Deserve the right woman blah blah blah. All Im saying is dont plan for shit. If you plan and want it really bad then you have the opportunity to be let down. Which is ok. but for someone who has a problem with talking to a pretty girl, dont plan anything. Have no pre-conceived thoughts on how you want to play the situation.
Kyle Miracle345 days ago
Answer 8 of 14
Thanks Angela, I'm glad your read my who...
Thanks Angela, I'm glad your read my whole post! (It drives me nuts when people read part of a post, disagree, then rip into the writer before finishing.) And you brought up some really great points yourself.
_____
Person1, I see what you're saying. And I do agree with you TO AN EXTENT. The Asshole gets laid, no question about it. The nice guy gets frustrated, while an asshole steals his girl. But that I-don't-give-a-shit guy is not consistent, and rarely sets himself up for a long-lasting relationship.
_____
I know, because that used to be me. I was a nice guy and hated myself for it. So I changed into an asshole and hated myself more for it. Then I discovered the secret to life: Believing in myself. Instead of approaching the hottest girl and HOPING (or "not caring") that she would like me, I BELIEVED that she would. And let me tell you, beliefs are everything. When I believe I genuinely deserve something, it's already mine.
_____
Once I realized all that, my eyes were opened. I now DESERVED the most beautiful women, and the very essence of that belief attracted more women to me. I have learned to enjoy and cherish a woman's beauty, rather than to NEED it.
_____
So, Person1, you're on the right track, a little rough around the edges right now, just start to appreciate people for what they DO rather than how they APPEAR and I promise you will see dramatic improvements!
person1345 days ago
Answer 9 of 14
angela im offended. The problem with wha...
angela im offended. The problem with what your saying and what most people look for. the PERFECT situation, fate, destiny, story book fairy tale way to handle each situation. thats not how most things work in real life. the best advice I can give is to not have a plan when your in any situation. do what you want to do. dont worry about what she is going to think. either she likes what your doing or she dosnt. who gives a shit. there is another girl that looks,acts,smells,whatever exactly like her on the other side of the bar. throw it all out there.
angelaoohlahlah345 days ago
Answer 10 of 14
Hey knowitall: Just joined this lefto...
Hey knowitall:
Just joined this leftos site , and your question interests me.
First, I feel comfortable saying this because I am anonymous here, but I happen to sometimes feel like I might be the "pretty girl in the bar." So, here's my thoughts from that perspective.
Do not listen to person1. Feign answered by telling you to "flirt a little." This isn't such a hot idea either. I like a lot of what Kyle says actually.
Something to ALWAYS remember is that EVERY GIRL IS NOT THE SAME. Every girl wants to be approached differently.
THIS IS THE CRUX OF YOUR ISSUE> everybody likes somethin' a lil different!
Personally, if a dude comes up to the bar and asks "is this seat taken?" it is an automatic ew, gross, get away from me. I am sorry but that is how it is. You need to learn how to read a woman. If you can't read her, than there is nothing there to vibe off of. Period.
I am a believer in energy given off. I am a person who gives off an open energy. You could come over, sit down (do not ASK to sit down), and order a drink for YOURSELF. If we are at a concert, and you spot me, just GO over to me. Better yet, if it's a girl like me, I will go over to YOU. I will at least look in your direction. Girls do this. Now the pretty girls who are BITCHES do not do this. They KNOW they are pretty, and they expect you to kiss their ass.
Hopefully, this is not the kind of girl you are after, even just for a hookup, because that's just low. Period.
It is all about the conversation. This man/woman sexual tension thing is all about striking up convo, building trust, NOT hooking up that night, creating a solid foundation for friends, and THEN seeing what could happen. it is about respect for the "pretty girl" that she is NOT just some "pretty girl."
Because guess what? I know that although I have good looks, and a rad personality, I am not looking for some dude to buy me a drink or try to kiss me when he walks me to my car after the very first time meeting him in some bar. I am looking for the dude who is a)confident enough to be near me. b)not intimidated by my looks or strong personality / smartness. c) going to respect me. d) wanting to be my FRIEND before my LAY.
By the way, a great thing to do is to pick up my tab, or to offer...AFTER you learn my name, have had a good, long, pleasant , stimulating exchange with me at the bar. There is honestly nothing creepy to me about that.
Also by the way, the bar is not the only way to meet a pretty girl ;)
Good luck!
person1345 days ago
Answer 11 of 14
Go up to her. Be an asshole. Not the ass...
Go up to her. Be an asshole. Not the asshole that buys her a drink. The asshole that spills shit on her and then dosnt apologize. Any pretty girl wants to be unwanted. Show her you dont give a shit about her beauty and shell be interested. You can show her later that ur not an asshole and shell be even more impressed. Count it.
TheAdviceGuyover a year ago
Answer 12 of 14
Those are some good points. I would add...
Those are some good points. I would add that your confidence must match the person you are approaching. By that, I mean that you should feel like even though this girl is the hottest person that you are a worthy mate.
If you act really nervous it probably isnt going to happen, just act like you own the place (not in the creepy way -- but more like in the social way -- having a good time, interacting with others).
Also, don't make a big deal about it. Act like shes just another person, if she is really that hot then she wont be used to that treatment and she will probably like it. Try a quick comment and then tell her you have to go.
Obviously, you have to find her again before you leave but playing hard to get with someone who gets a ton of attention will be more receptive than the typical creepy approach.
feigntover a year ago
Answer 13 of 14
don't come right off the bat with compli...
don't come right off the bat with compliments. just a simple "hey hows your night going?" "can i buy you a drink?" try to instigate some form of conversation so it seems like you're there to talk to her and not just mr. rico suave busting out cliched one liners. flirt a little with a smile and joke around. be witty. if you get her to laugh then you're golden.
Kyle Miracleover a year ago
Answer 14 of 14
Knowitall, The first point I'd like to ...
Knowitall,
The first point I'd like to make is that what you say actually has very LITTLE to do with how she responds. Your words are not important to the approach - at least not nearly as much as your body language (http://leftos.com/opinion/view/287).
Consider a couple other things:
1. What is your real intent when offering to buy her a drink, before you even know her?
2. Did you wait till her friends - or the guy she was with - left her for a bit?
3. What have you been doing before you approached her?
1. Offering to buy a girl a drink before getting to know her tells her one very important thing: This guy thinks he needs to "buy" my attention because he doesn't believe he can hold my attention on his own. It shows her that the man lacks confidence, and what's the number1 most attractive quality to women worldwide? Confidence. (And for those who thought it was a sense of humor, that actually stems from Confidence.) Focus more on your body language, less on your words. Smile. Do and say whatever you want (in a playful manner) to entertain YOURSELF, not to entertain HER. And when you approach, don't beat around the bush; make it known! None of that, "So, how's it going?" Try saying, "Something about you caught my eye and I just had to introduce myself." By saying that, it gives her nothing to reject, because it's the honest truth. Got it?
2. Similar to 1, waiting for her friends/guy she's with to leave, shows a lack of confidence. A real man can hold court and speak to a group, not just a woman while she's alone! Try your hardest to get out of a competitive mindset. Don't see other guys as "the enemy," but rather as potential friends. If you're going out to meet people and have a good time, then go out to meet people and have a good time! If you're going out just with the intent to meet women for sex, then reconsider your motives.
3. This is another huge aspect! If you were sitting in a back corner of the bar, or standing on the perimeter of the dancefloor, not dancing, holding your drink at your chest, then you are a NOBODY in her eyes. Alternatively, if you're having a great time with a nearby group of people, and you're introducing them to your friends, or other people you met that night, then you casually introduce yourself to her, she'll be flattered that you talked to her. Pretty dramatic how much of a difference it makes, huh?
Ideally, you're going to want to get yourself out of the "picking up hot chicks" mentality and adopt a "being social" mentality. Everyone is your friend, no one is "better" than you and you are better than no one.
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