Sex Life (or Lack Thereof)
Sex toys during sex
My husband and I have a great sexual relationship. Sometimes, I feel like it can get a little boring though. I know we're both busy with work and sometimes at night we want to be intimate but not take the time like we used to. In the past I've bought a few costumes to surprise him with, and he's gone crazy over.
The other day my girlfriend told me about how she introduced her vibrator into sex with her husband. I'd like to initiate this but I'm afraid it will be a little much for my husband. Is there a good way to suggest using vibrators and other toys without freaking him out and making him think he's not good enough? He's amazing but sometimes I think it'd be fun to toss in some help, something he can use on me during foreplay.
oohlookasquirrel58 days ago
Answer 1 of 1
yay vibrators!
The least threatening vibrators are the ones that don't look like a penis and aren't meant to be inserted. I'm thinking something along the lines of the Lelo Lily, Fun Factory Layaspot, or even the Hitachi Magic Wand. If you bring in a phallic vibrator that is bigger than his own equipment and is also battery-powered, he might feel like he's being replaced. It's your job to convince him that's not the case. If you really do want to insert your vibrator, start with a clitoral vibe and get him comfy with that before you try something bigger. Definitely bring it up as something new and fun you can try and not like a "shortcut" or something you're just introducing because your regular sex is boring you out of your mind.
My boyfriend was afraid of vibrators at first, but I explained to him all the things he does for me that a vibrator can't and let him know how much I appreciate all of those things (especially specific body parts that might be feeling inadequate because they don't vibrate), and now we're not afraid to bring out any number of sex toys during sex. Plus, he likes to watch me get off, and if he can use new tools to help me do that more often, why say no?
One of the things that really helped win him over was having him use my Hitachi Magic Wand on himself. I tried to explain to him that my orgasms are completely different with a vibrator than they are without one, and he didn't really believe me until he got off with one himself. I can't say that all guys are going to like it, and he may like a different power level than you do (I can't stand the Hitachi on full blast but he loves it), but it's worth a shot to demonstrate what a vibrator can do. Maybe you could pull it out and try using it on him before you give yourself a turn with it.
With all that being said, I wouldn't let the vibrator become a permanent substitute for more time-consuming foreplay. You mentioned that you don't always have the time for sex that takes awhile. While it's great to have quickies when you're super busy, you'll both have more fun if you set aside a few hours at least once a month to have some relaxing, "all the time in the world" sex. If you're always rushing through it, sex can become a chore, and then it won't be nearly as much fun. And if you're looking for more ways to spice up your sex life, a brainstorming session with the husband can be very productive. You might find out that you both have an interest in the same kink and open up a whole new world of possibilities.
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