So I just ended a relationship recently and I really would like to maintain a friendship with this woman. We have fun together but as far as a long term relationship things just aren't going to work out. So there is my back story, on to a question:
Have you maintained friendships with your exes?
What did you do to make things work?
Do you think that this is even a desirable outcome?
What other questions on this topic have I not thought of through sheer lack of experience?
Go ahead, have some fun
studmuffinover a year ago
Answer 1 of 3
My first major ex and I are still good friends, it was a mutual break-up with about a month of distance right after the break, though with two phone convos before i saw her again. We both had the same belief that if you cared for someone so much in a relationship you should still care after and could at least be friends.
To make this work you both need to be on the same page and still be able to talk with one another and give each other distance. Though i can tell you that the first time you hang out together again will be awkward so it best be done in a social setting with people you both get along with... you don't want to be stuck at a party with only her friends who you don't really know and end up only talking/hanging with her.... makes you look clingy and doesn't help the awkward factor. It worked for me b/c I was friends with all of her friends and at the party i didn't need to strike up conversations with people i only sort of knew, they were my friends by then.
Hope you don't lose a friend.
tennisplayaover a year ago
Answer 2 of 3
Personally, I have not stayed friends with my ex, but in our situation that was what was best for us and what I needed at the time. With that being said, I agree with sexpert. An important step before becoming friends with an ex is giving each other space. Give yourself and her time to cool down and think things through. I've had a few friends who after a break started talking with their ex and trying out friendship after a week and it often lead to drama because the emotions from the break up, whether it was love, anger, or pain, came to the surface and caused drama. In another case my friend got back with her ex, and the same problems that lead to their original break up occured and the 2nd breakup was even messier than the first.
After giving each other a good amount of time, the best way to make it work is to be up front with each other and listen to what the other one wants out of a friendship. If your ex doesn't want to be friends or isn't quite ready yet you should respect that. It's hard to tell weather a friendship with an ex is a desirable outcome, since all relationships are different as are the circumstances to each break up.
I would say though that it might be best to not become too close of friends after a relationship, like to the point were you talk about the opposite sex with each other. Even if both people in the relationship are completely over each other, it can still hurt to hear that the other person is dating someone new or even interested in someone else. Its a topic that is best not to approach at least for a while.
sexpertover a year ago
Answer 3 of 3
One thing that I find helps in order to maintain a friendship is spending some time apart first. You are going to play different roles in each other's lives now, and you need time alone to make that transition. You need time for emotions to die down, for a little healing to occur, and then when any anger or bitterness is fully gone, you can come back to the friendship fresh and try not to bring any negative history with you.
The amount of time needed apart will vary depending on whether the break up is mutual, how long you two were together and other factors, like how time intensive your relationship was.
As promised, short and sweet!