Sexting: No touch, no foul?

My SO recently divulged that he received explicit photos from an old hookup. He says that he didn't solicit them, but admitted to "jokingly" sending back an "archive photo" of himself from a few years ago (prior to our relationship.) He said he immediately felt guilty, deleted the photos and asked her not to contact him again.

We've been together for 2 years and will be moving in together next month. He has expressed remorse and told me immediately after the fact, but I'm concerned because he mentioned that he felt that sending the photo was some act of rebelliousness. We haven't had any issues with cheating to date, but he was a bit more *eh hem* active before our relationship.

Should I be concerned? Does this constitute as cheating? Does honesty outweigh the crime?


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Studley Do Right

Studley Do Rightover a year ago

Answer 1 of 2

My only concern with this...

My only concern with the situation above is that it seems odd for someone to send a naked picture to an ex via text message almost 2 years after being broken up. I would assume (and assuming is not good but it's something to consider) that they probably have been chatting at least here and there for something like that to happen.

Again, that is me just assuming. Maybe she was drunk and randomly did it?

As far as him receiving the message...he has no control over that. Him deleting the pics and telling you does show commitment. Him sending one back, isn't as innocent and not sending something at all, but assuming it really was an 'archived' pic then I guess that's not very guilty.

My only concern would be if they are chatting back and forth before this happened.

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StillFiguringasdfaItOutover a year ago

Answer 2 of 2

What crime - seems you have a man of character!

He didn't solicit it, and while perhaps he responded without enough consideration, he immediately realized that it wasn't OK *with himself* (he didn't have to be caught), he immediately took corrective action (without you asking him to), and was up front with you about it happening and how remorseful he was (he didn't hide it)

On top of that, he's letting you know what he's feeling! So he was feeling perhaps a little rebellious... a 2 year relationship and moving in together can be a little unnerving. Even with those feelings, his actions seem to demonstrate commitment to you and this relationship.

He has been open and honest with his feelings (even the more difficult ones like feeling rebellious), and has demonstrated integrity in his actions --- that is the basis for a healthy and long term relationship.

If you must take action... then I'd suggest it's an excellent opportunity to show him how much you appreciate his integrity and openness :-)

[and someone's past level of sexual activity might not represent what they want and need now, but perhaps his rebelliousness comment is a good springboard for a conversation from a place of curiosity about if he's getting his 'needs' met, and if you are getting your needs met, and opportunities to keep it fresh :-) ]

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