Communication in a Relationship

Q:

Lying vs. Not Saying Anything

I often times here people (and I'm guilty myself) saying, "I'm just not going to tell her/him about it." Technically you aren't lying when you don't say anything, but it's still pretty similar because at the end of the day, regardless if you lie or just not say anything, it's for the same reason...you don't want them to know what really happened

So do you think that not saying anything is just as bad, worse, or maybe actually better than lying? How do you feel about handling situations like this?

When you answer the question try to put yourself in your SO's position and think about how you would feel if you found out your SO did something and never told you....

Studley Do Right


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Imjustaguy

Imjustaguyover a year ago

Answer 1 of 4

Honesty is the best policy

I know it sounds like a cliche, but it's true. It's always best to be honest about yourself, about your past, about your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes the truth hurts, and some relationships aren't strong enough to cope with harsh realities.

Never try to guess in advance what your partner's reaction will be when you tell them an uncomfortable truth.. they may react strongly tro start with but calm down and appreciate your honesty afterwards.

Great Answer! (1)

sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 2 of 4

Lying by Omission is still lying

Now, whether lying by omission is a white lie, or a serious lie depends on the circumstance. There are times when I don't say something to my partner, but it's not about deceit, it's about keeping the relationship balanced. I mean, I don't want to mention every little thing that bugs me to my partner because I know there are things I do that bug him, and I don't want to hear about it either.

Still, these are not things that I am fearful of my partner finding out about, and if he asked me a direct question, I would answer truthfully (and tactfully).

If not telling your partner something is nagging at the back of your mind then chances are it's something that you should really be talking about, or not doing.

My best friend just had a guy do this to her, where he didn't tell her that he was sleeping with someone else, and when she finally confronted him on it, he panicked and lied. If your partner asked you directly about this thing that you don't want to talk about - would you answer truthfully or lie in a moment of panic?

In the end, it's about your conscience and your boundaries, but I'm happy that I have the type of relationship with my bf where I make it safe for him to talk about anything, and so I hope he doesn't feel like he has to hide anything. I think if he was hiding stuff from me, I would feel double hurt, because not only is he hiding something/lying by omission, but he also doesn't feel that he can tell me things, and that's not good for our relationship.

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StillFiguringasdfaItOut

StillFiguringasdfaItOutover a year ago

Answer 3 of 4

An intention to deceive is bad character

Well either way you are taking advantage of your partners trust, if caught lying then you degrade their trust in your word, and if caught on something you intentionally didn't say, then your partner may be left questioning what else you are hiding (or why you felt you needed to hide anything in the first place)

Either way, you degrade the trust, create anxiety and your partner will likely start questioning you word and actions, or perhaps re-evaluates everything up to that point.

And I don't think it matters whether it's a short fling or long term partner, it degrades your character and doesn't treat the other person with respect. Perhaps there are things a fling doesn't need to know, like specifics on who else you date, but that isn't so much intentional omission as it is boundaries.

I'm not sure why one would want to create stress for themselves by doing either, and having to maintain these stories...

[Now like everything, this is situational. Intentional deception is generally not good, but there may be situations that warrant it (white lies), but that's another discussion]

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IndustrialDoll

IndustrialDollover a year ago

Answer 4 of 4

well

You wouldn't be in that situation if you didn't do things that you wouldn't want to tell your partner. That to me is saying how committed are you? If you don't yourself being with the person for long, then whatever but if you want it to last, why are you creating situations where you feel the need to be hiding things?

Anyways, it is basically the same as lying because you aren't being completely honest.

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