Issues with Family

Q:

The way a man treats his mother can tell you what about him?

What do you think the relationship between a guy and his mother can say about the guy?

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Answers 2 | 3

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BritishGuy

BritishGuyover a year ago

Answer 1 of 5

Does the count mother in laws? I'm pret...

Does the count mother in laws?

I'm pretty cool with my mum because shes a nice lady and a bit of a joker but I know a lot of people who don't get along with their family through no fault of their own.

Family can often be a burden especially coming from backgrounds that force traditions on you. I think the most important thing to do is look at the relationship in whole rather than focus on how he is interacting with others. Often times your hand can be forced by hostile or unreceptive people.

If his family is badgering him then its not his fault if he isn't kissing their toes hes just doing what is logical.

I don't want to get metaphorical on you but casting a small net won't get you many fish and it sure as hell won't make you an oceanographer its important to look at the bigger picture rather than pin point very little details.

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oaysis

oaysisover a year ago

Answer 2 of 5

Ask for the history

You can't generalize that relationship until you know the history behind it. This applies not just to how a guy treats his mother, but to how any gender of significant other treats any member of their family. As Strongfp said, there's also the cultural influence--some families operate on conflict and generally communicate on a decibel level far above what other cultures consider normal. It's just another flavor of family life; not every flavor suits every person.

One guy I know limits his interactions with his mother to the minimal possible amount. He doesn't like the way she tries to hover over his life and run it for him, so his solution is to keep most of the details to himself so she won't feel the need to try to manage his life. This solution works rather well; they're both happy with the relationship: she doesn't feel cut off, he doesn't feel as if she's treating him like a child incapable of making decisions, and there's no antagonism or tension on either side.

For someone who didn't know the history there, it would seem as if this guy is cold and rude, keeping his mother at arm's length and rejecting his mother's attempts to have a closer relationship with him. Knowing the history and dynamic behind the observable relationship, however, allows one to see what is actually the case--this guy cares for his mother, but he also values his independence; what everyone can see is the balance he's maintaining between keeping his relationship with her as close as possible without compromising his own autonomy. Family is clearly important to him; even though they may drive him crazy, he still wants to maintain a relationship with them simply because they are family. This guy is capable of making the best of a bad situation and finding mutually beneficial solutions.

That example is from the end of the scale where more information is necessary before you can generalize; there's also the end where you can judge it immediately. This type of relationship is characterized by him treating her badly, and her being upset by this treatment. This tells you that the guy does not care that he's causing her distress and does not care to reform his behavior. This guy either is too dense to see the distress he's causing or too self-absorbed to change his behavior.

As sexpert said, it's not just the relationship with their parents that should go into your evaluation of the person. How they treat complete strangers tells you a great deal about their personality and philosophy of conduct; combining and contrasting that with how they treat people close to them can reveal an interesting dynamic. I know a few people who absolutely can't stand their family and avoid them at all costs, but these people are some of the most loyal and considerate people I've ever met.

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Strongfp

Strongfpover a year ago

Answer 3 of 5

Not always...

At my age and lviing with my mother for 23 years of my life when she talks sometimes it feels like someone is taking their fingers nails and dragging them accross a chalk boared.

I treat my mother with respect and loving kindness, I treat who ever I am seeing at the time with all my love, respect. and kindness. What the saying means is that if a man treats his mother poorly, it will be what he is like if you were to get into a serious relatinoship, and marraige, people say they hate their parents, but thats only because they have been living with them for so long. think about if you were to live with the same girl day in and out, sure you love them to death and will do anything for them, but you can only get so much of that one person.

So ladies if you were to date a guy and he invites you over for a family dinner and he just gets a little annoyed with his mom (especially if he's italian, or portuguese) then don't judge him right then and there and think thats how he is going to treat you, because I can garuntee you will feel just like him if you were living with that mother for what ever ammount of time he has.

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URwingman

URwingmanover a year ago

Answer 4 of 5

Absolutely everything.

If a guy can't treat his mother well, how do you think he'll treat anyone else? People make fun of the mama's boy, but you can be sure for one thing. He's nearly guaranteed to treat women very well.

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sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 5 of 5

I would take it even further than that

I think that you can tell a lot about a guy from how he interacts with ANYONE. Does he treat the cashier at the fast food place nicely (acknowledging they get paid minimum wage and deal with a lot of crap from people all the time). Does he treat his exes with respect? When he's in a fight with a friend, does he trash talk the friend and say things that the friend told him in confidence? Does he try to see things from his mother's perspective? Whom does he go to when he needs advice? Who does he value in his life, and who does he not value? Who deserves his respect, and who doesn't?

So yes, you tell a lot about a guy from how he interacts with his mother, but I would pay attention to how he interacts with everyone, because it gives you an idea of what is going on in his head. Can he admit that he's wrong? Does he treat people he is angry at with respect? What is enough to drive him be mean?

Obviously from the questions that I'm asking empathy and respect are super important to me. I want to be with someone who can see the world from someone else's eyes, treat people with respect even though he/she may not be happy with them, and his/her natural and first reaction is to be accommodating, polite, and generous with people, even strangers.

What are you looking for? What matters to you? Are you looking for a drama free relationship? Someone who is family-centered? Someone who is loyal? Someone who is chivalrous?

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