I've always suggested that finding the right relationship is 90% timing and 10% compatibility or "love." Two people can be great together, can share similar interests, and just have that passion for each other that everyone wants in their relationships. However, the combination of factors that each person is dealing with in his or her life can really make or break the relationship. It depends on what each of the individuals is focusing on at that point in time, whether they're at the stage in their lives when they're capable of commitment - careers, families, lifestyles, maturity all considered. Sometimes two people who aren't ready to make a commitment to something like marriage might try to make that union premature, and find themselves struggling with it later - dreams postponed or pushed aside altogether, regret...the effects are not always immediately visible, yet may be devastating later on.
Maybe the 90:10 formula is different for different people, but I think that for most, timing is really key to conquering all. You definitely need love, but sometimes that's not the deciding factor in whether or not two people can make it work. The depressing, pessimistic, but very real bottom line: Two people can definitely be in love, but oftentimes it's not enough.
Go ahead, have some fun
Joe Coolover a year ago
Definitely Agree. Timing is so much. Especially in today's world and society. Peoples lives today change so much. People have 8 different jobs before they reach 40 sometimes. In the past people usually worked near where they lived and everything about their life centered around that small area. People met and knew the same people for their whole lives. Things didn't change often and so couples stayed compatible.
Today with the internet, telecommunications, the simplicity of travel, and so on, it's so easy for things to change in someones life. We meet 1,000 of people from all over the world, with different tastes, cultures, traditions. We see whats going on in different parts of the world up to the second. It's a lot easier for us to stray or change interests.
I think all of this has had a lot effect on why people marry later, overall marriage rate is down, and more relationships don't last for the long haul.
sexpertover a year ago
Don't know about the percentages, but yeah, I agree. It's one of the reasons why I don't believe in "the one" or "true love" (as in the one you are destined to be with). So many other situations/factors complicate a relationship, and to say that all that matters if a lovey feeling inside is a little naive.
Lust and infatuation will get you some places - it's easier to put up with small flaws and let things go when someone really turns your crank, but it's not enough. Commitment and the willingness to put effort into things will get you even farther, but that doesn't mean that being in the relationship is a good option. I mean, there are lots of women in abusive relationships where they actually need to pack up and leave, but are trying to stick it out till the end (whatever "the end" means). I see love as a mixture of these things, and probably something a little more.
how attracted you can be to someone, how much time you have to put into relationships, how ready you are for commitment, and even what stresses are going on in your life make a big difference. A lot of my previous relationships failed not because we weren't compatible, but because I was using my partner as a therapist, rather than a bf/gf.
So yeah, you are definitely right, outside circumstances, our own personal experiences, and the connection that we feel for people all contribute to either long-lasting, or very short relationships.