How do you know you are not in love anymore?

The relationship I'm in now is the first real time that I actually deeply love the girl I'm dating. I have thought in past relationships that I was in love but I can see now that I really wasn't. So considering that, I've never really experienced falling out of love with someone so it makes me wonder....

At what point does someone realize they're not in love anymore? Couples and marriages always end with someone saying they fell out of love with their partner. I guess I don't understand exactly how that happens? When do you actually notice that your not in love with someone anymore? Is this something that you can pinpoint or just something that happens over time?

Anyone have experience with this?


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Answers 1 | 3

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StillFiguringasdfaItOutover a year ago

Answer 1 of 4

I think 'falling out of love' is a pretty undefined statement

I suspect there are many stories of how we fall in love, or experience that love in our lives... and with falling out of love, I think it's some mix of incompatibility and miscommunication, and perhaps it not being a priority (neglect).

We all have our needs and fears, hopes and expectations, and our histories, and all of this informs our actions and reactions to our partners, our relationships, and to life in general. Sometimes this can bring us closer, and sometimes it causes us to mis-interpret our partner, to pull away or put up defenses.

So I would suggest it's this distance, this lack of sharing, the sense of feeling not understood or not understanding your partner, the resulting lack of intimacy and safety, of negative mis-interpreting your partners intent, it slowly wears down the feeling of being 'one' with your partner.

So I think it largely occurs slowly over time, often because we hide from small fears and mis-understandings, or get caught up in (or hide in) life / kids / jobs / other people, and it diminishes things. Then one day some event, something someone said, your partner did, or perhaps some exciting new job/hobby/person, whatever, just causes something inside of you to click and feel 'you are not in love anymore'.


I suspect there are also time when we can get focused on whether we are in love or not, because it allows us to run away from other fears (such as of abandonment, or unresolved past hurts, etc.)

I also suspect there are people who are just not compatible, and as chemistry wears off, it becomes apparent that some deeper level of love didn't replace all the initial chemistry.


All this being said... I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about it, as it might cause you to put up defenses to some imagined future breakdown, rather than being fully open to experiencing the love you share.

Ensure you are developing an open and respectful style of conversation, so you can express your needs, thoughts, and feelings, and hear her own, and ensure your mutual needs and goals are met. This will enable you two to deepen the love and understanding that will replace that initial chemistry, and truly share your experiences and each others lives.

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Strongfpover a year ago

Answer 2 of 4

It just takes one momment to take it away ...

It's usualyl a build up of events that lead to the falling out of love.
And then one day it will just break down until one person just gives in. But love can't just be taken away in an instant, as I said it's a sequence of events. Thats why when people say relationships are in teh rough when people start to get sarcastic, into little arguments, start to make comments like "If we lived together we would get sick of one another" little things like that.

Usually it's one persons fault that the other is falling out of love, not hugging, kissing, little things, not paying attention to them, just putting them in that friend zone, not inviting them out with other friends or doing anything at all. Alot of relationships run dry because of lack of dating, or just alone time. sure you can sit at home every weekend and watch a movie together but that fun you two had at the beginning of your relationship that created the attraction is now gone and pushed aside, you are just another person who can really only pleasure them physically.

I am sorta in the same boat as you, I fell in love once, but my ex fell out of love, but she sorta forced herself out of it, we hit a week of rocky road, and she just gave in from her friends constantly battering her with "he's to old for you" this and that, and she forced herself to go no contact with me until she moved on. Here we are now and she's emotionally still not over the breakup and still trying to put me into the friend zone. I have since put her in that friend zone because she pushed me away. Do I still miss her? Yes I do, do I still love her and hurt for her no I do not.

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hotsizzleover a year ago

Answer 3 of 4

You're not in love anymore when chemistry breaks down

I think you'll begin realizing your not in love anymore when chemistry begins to breakdown. I think the beauty of love is the chemistry that two people have. Everything flows with the two of you. Physically, mentally, emotionally...just everything. It's like everything you is on the same page. I believe that's a major reason why you fall in love in the first place.

When some of that chemistry or a major aspect of that chemistry starts to falter you begin to question your love for the person. As soon as you have to question the things you do around the person, the things you say, the way you act, and so forth is exactly the point when your not in love anymore.

I think when relationships are all said and done people can look back and actually pick out significant points or significant instances that result to them losing that chemistry. However, while still in the relationship, you might feel these things but you brush them aside because you love the person and you just think it's a hiccup. Sometimes it is just a hiccup but it's very hard to regain chemistry and often times ends up being that point when you look back and say "that's when I know I was not in love anymore."

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TheDudeover a year ago

Answer 4 of 4

You know you're not in love when the friendship takes over

I really love this question because I think it addresses a big issue for a lot of people, but is such a gray area. I think the determining factor in knowing your not in love anymore is the balance between your love for one another and your friendship. Both are extremely important in relationship but I think the balance should always be shifted a bit more towards love than the friendship. When the balance starts moving towards a friendship, your love starts to get pushed aside and it starts to feel like your falling out of love. Soon its skewed so far that you've become simply good friends, and you're simply not in love anymore. This doesn't cover all scenarios, but I think it's a fairly common scenario that couples find themselves in.

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