Moving in Together
Not a fan of my girlfriend's pets...
My girlfriend and I want to move in together, but there's only one issue: she LOVES cats and absolutely cannot stand cats, can't even get near them. I want to move in with her but I will devastate her if I tell her she cannot have her cats living with us. I refuse to live with cats. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this before?
Albedo56 days ago
Answer 1 of 3
It's time to go.
You are young and there is a whole world out there, most of it without cats, for you. You will make yourself miserable trying to cohabitate with cats and nobody is worth that.
Pets are just one of those deal breakers that you will never get over. It is like smoking, a preference for snow or hardcore religion. You two just have completely different world views and that is ok as long as you don't try to merge them into one household.
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Fork in Road56 days ago
Answer 2 of 3
You're gonna have to deal with it...
I don't see how you can find a compromise in a situation like this. There's no real middle ground.
Here's how I look at it. I wouldn't give up a great relationship because of pet preference. If you are deathly allergic to a cat, then I think it's worth it for her to live without a cat. However, if you just don't like them, I think you can learn to at least live with them so you can be with her.
I'm not sure if you ever lived with a cat before but they are pretty much in their own world. I hate cats too but I lived with a girl for a while who had one and it really didn't mind me. They don't demand much attention, they take care of themselves, and I would say 80% of the day you don't even see them cause they are off sleeping or hiding somewhere.
You'll probably end up loving it once you get familiar with their personality
oohlookasquirrel57 days ago
Answer 3 of 3
sounds like a dealbreaker
I don't see any way that the two of you could live together happily unless you learn to love cats. You should never, ever, ask an animal lover to give up his/her animals, and if she is a cat lover, she will not be happy living without them. Keep in mind that there are millions of unwanted pets in this country. It is very difficult to re-home adult cats since shelters are always full and a great deal of the cats who do make it to shelters are euthanized (though the problem can change depending on your community). Unless she has a friend or family member who wants to take her cats, you're pretty much asking her to make some of her best friends homeless. Would you want to date a person who commits to caring for someone and then kicks them out when it's no longer convenient for her? If she's willing to abandon her cats for a boyfriend, she's likely the sort of person who would abandon you as well.
Keep living apart until you decide that you love her enough to deal with the cats or she decides that she loves you enough to "get rid of" her cats. Have you talked to her about why you can't stand cats? Is there anything she could do that would make living with cats tolerable? Maybe keeping the litterbox in an out-of-the-way place, or having your own room where the cats are not allowed to go? They don't have to sleep in your bed if your bedroom has a door. If it were an allergy issue, lots of cleaning and a commitment to antihistamines could help, but since I don't know specifically what your problem with cats is, it's difficult to suggest a solution about ways you might learn to tolerate them.
I've been with my other half for nearly 8 years now and I'll probably spend the rest of my life with him, but if he told me that he could only live with me if I got rid of my cats, he'd have to find his own place and I would probably dump him (unless he suddenly developed a life-threatening allergy to them). If she's as big an animal lover as you say she is, she's not going to dump her cats for you. If there's no way that you'll consider living with cats, then you're both better off with people who share your feelings about cats.
