Sex in a Relationship

Q:

How do you tell a guy that the sex sucks?

I've started dating this guy that I really like but the sex stinks (too short...in many ways). Unfortunately, he thinks it's awesome. Is there a good way to tell him?

As a guy...how would you want to be told, if at all?

Gnette20


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30FLondon

30FLondonover a year ago

Answer 1 of 14

You don't - he'll forever remember that ...

You don't - he'll forever remember that conversation!

Concentrate on something he does that you do like and reassure him, tell him how much that turns you on. Gradually start telling him about your dream sex, whether that be soft, sensual strokes or hard, spankingly hot.

I read somewhere that trying to reward and commend good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour often works, if you moan loudly when he does something you like and are silent when he is doing something wrong - he will soon get the message.

If it's too bad that you are no longer attracted to him, either try or end the relationship, some people aren't compatible.

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sex-lies-dating

sex-lies-datingover a year ago

Answer 2 of 14

Ouch, been there. And sadly it didn't e...

Ouch, been there.
And sadly it didn't end well. I didn't say the sex was bad. I said I needed different things. More. More touching,,,etc etc.

The reality is that it can work in your favor, or he can be horribly offended and shut down and push you away. It all depends on how mature he is as an individual. Good luck.

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DateDaily

DateDailyover a year ago

Answer 3 of 14

Yes, there is. You can use role play, ...

Yes, there is.

You can use role play, where you can dominate and thus show him what you like.

You can tell him what you really like about the sex (his kissing, the way he twirls his tongue when he goes down) and then tell him what you'd like to change. But prepare yourself; he might tell you things about your sex that you might not like to hear.

You can ask him to be you in bed and you be him (role reversal), just don't exaggerate when you portray him.

You can discuss your fantasies and tell him what you dream of having done to you.

DateDaily.com

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StillFiguringasdfaItOut

StillFiguringasdfaItOutover a year ago

Answer 4 of 14

Performance anxiety and protecting his e...

Performance anxiety and protecting his ego could have things 'firing too quick' and him not admitting things could improve. Chances are he is aware of this, but you also need to be sure you are not faking it or playing it up too much, thus compounding the problem.

I'd say - why tell him? You can't change him - you can only change how you react to him, and how you participate in bed.

Some of the best sex I've had has been when the woman has taken an active role in controlling the speed, positions, and mood (is she assertive and lusty or touchy and intimate ... or both :-) ). And if he's still a little clueless, you can be a bit more blunt and say (sexily) what position/style really really works for you [and work it in, sex talk during play is fun :-) ]

And you can still be submissive, if that gets you off, while keeping a reign on the length of foreplay (only let your clothes come off slower), and positions. And if he still gets there a little quick, don't stress about it, he should have a lot more stamina for round 2... where it's all about you :-)

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posthaste

posthasteover a year ago

Answer 5 of 14

Tell him what you like. Get in the habit...

Tell him what you like. Get in the habit of telling each other what feels good and what doesn't. If he feels awkward talking about these things, you can even set an example by getting his feedback so that he doesn't have to be the one to start the dialog.

Getting to know each other's likes and dislikes is a learning process, don't expect him to be a god in bed in a week. And keep in mind, you might not be perfect in bed either. Pay attention to any feedback he gives you, and act on it.

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person1

person1over a year ago

Answer 6 of 14

Tell him the sex sucks. If he totally fo...

Tell him the sex sucks. If he totally folds then break up with him. If he asks how to make it better and u guys work at then it will be even better because you guys did it together. YAY or just give me call

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SaraMonster

SaraMonsterover a year ago

Answer 7 of 14

ouch, I don't know a gentle way to say, ...

ouch, I don't know a gentle way to say, "you suck in bed"
How about starting off with trivia..."You know it takes women 20 minutes on average to climax and for men only 3-5 minutes, that's why they say foreplay is so important for woman....otherwise we're just left in the dust"
maybe he'll take the hint.

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TheAdviceGuy

TheAdviceGuyover a year ago

Answer 8 of 14

You should tell him, like others have sa...

You should tell him, like others have said on here do not say "you are horrible in the sack!" Instead, try to say other "things" would be better for you and help him out. You must also realize that this relationship will not survive if he is always bad, so you are telling him (softly) for both of you.

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sluveubaby

sluveubabyover a year ago

Answer 9 of 14

not a guy...rather than telling him he s...

not a guy...rather than telling him he sucks tell him how you like it - position, touch, whatever it is and do it while your getting it on. If your faking it then he has no clue that your not enjoying it. Talk to him but do it in a way that makes him still feel like a man...if you kill his machismo you make him feel incompetent. If nothing changes just be friends and move on.

Great Answer! (1)

intothewild

intothewildover a year ago

Answer 10 of 14

You don't. The fact that he thinks the ...

You don't.

The fact that he thinks the sex is excellent despite the fact that he's going off quicker than a fire cracker on the fourth doesn't bode well. He needs to get out of the one sided mentality that a good orgasm for him equates to good sex, because the most intense sexual experiences are a result of a shared connection and mutual fulfillment.

Luckily, you can help guide him to this end. There are plenty of ways to lead him along without ever directly calling him out or making him feel self-conscious. When you're hooking up prior to sex, you can guide his hands or lean in and lean in and whisper what you want. If he's not going down on you, try to deduce why. Is he "grossed out by it"? If so, you may have a long road ahead of you, but you should also consider if there are things you could do to make it more appealing to him. Maybe he likes it shaved or would be more open to trying it as a part of sex game (whip cream and such is cliched, but it still works).

The other thing you might want to consider is that he's afraid to admit that he doesn't know what he's doing, so he simply avoids it or resorts to something predictable like the alphabet "trick". In this case you need to become more vocal with him. Tell him how you want it and encourage him when he stumbles upon something that makes you feel good. If done correctly, this should boost his ego and turn him on, as opposed to leveling his sexual self-esteem.

I know this kind of coaching is not ideal, but believe me if you train him right it will pay big dividends in the end.

[P.S. Definitely don't have him talk to another guy about it, especially someone anonymous on the internet. That's even worse for his ego than you saying it to him directly. If he eventually turns to others for advice on his own accord, that's great -- but you shouldn't be the one to steer him there.

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Kyle Miracle

Kyle Miracleover a year ago

Answer 11 of 14

More foreplay! There were times (certai...

More foreplay! There were times (certain girls, actually) who I would ejaculate prematurely with. I solved my problem with more foreplay... Honestly I can drop a knowledge bomb on your boy toy, but telling you won't do much good. It's his job to make it good for you, and telling YOU what to tell HIM will ruin it for you.

I guess just tell him to focus more on foreplay - instead of "going for the kill" to back off more and tease. Use his breath on your neck and ears. Trace his fingers all over your body, not just the sensitive spots. There's a reason I make girls squirm and beg for it, while he's obviously not. And it's not because I was born with a "knack" for it; it's because I LEARNED it.

There's lots of great literature out there available if he wants to find it. I'd be more than happy to speak to him over email, if he'd be comfortable with it... Not sure if we can even PM through this system...I'm new here lol


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danarrubias

danarrubiasover a year ago

Answer 12 of 14

I wouldn't say just saying the sex sucks...

I wouldn't say just saying the sex sucks would be a good thing to say. Exspecally if he's thinking its awesome. I think it would be alot better if you told him, that you wanted him to tell you what he especially liked. And then you could teach him how to do you better. Until your satisfied, and he knows what you really like.

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averagejoe

averagejoeover a year ago

Answer 13 of 14

If you're in a relationship with this gu...

If you're in a relationship with this guy make it a team effort and work with him on ways to make it better. Don't tell him he's terrible but instead figure out ways where you can enjoy it more.

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Thinkr148

Thinkr148over a year ago

Answer 14 of 14

Ehh...this is a tough one. NOBODY wants ...

Ehh...this is a tough one. NOBODY wants to be told they're not good at sex, especially guys. Somewhat damaging to that male ego of ours. I think I would try to approach it differently. Just because the sex sucks right now doesn't mean that it always will. He just might not know how to please YOU. So teach him. Next time you have sex, whisper to him what you want him to do, or what would feel better. As for the sex being "too short", well that's something he needs to work on. He might not ever be able to fix that one..but he could probably learn something on this site.

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