Starting a Relationship

Q:

Facebook Relationships Status: a Difference of Opinion

With Facebook becoming such a big part of our lives, I've heard people jokingly (or maybe not) say that a relationship isn't official until it's Facebook. At first this sounded pretty dumb, but now that I'm in a related situation I can kindve understand...

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. I changed my Relationship status to "in a relationship", but he still has the section the blank. I know this probably sounds like me being a "crazy girl" and overanalyzing...but it kind've bugs me that he hasn't changed it. Is he embarrased by me...does he not want people knowing hes in a relationship? What do you think?

ilikethis


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Answers 4 | 2

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StillFiguringasdfaItOut

StillFiguringasdfaItOutover a year ago

Answer 1 of 6

I'm curious why it's an issue that he di...

I'm curious why it's an issue that he didn't change his status, but that it's also not an issue that you changed yours without speaking to him first? Are his feelings any less valid here?

I might be wrong, but it sounds like you just updated your status, without any kind of conversation exploring your 'status'. You've turned what most people consider a private discussion (of the status of a relationship) into a public one by just changing it on facebook.

(BTW, I don't see the status as trivial, and for myself, my "status" is not even shown.)

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scarlettewiththerope

scarlettewiththeropeover a year ago

Answer 2 of 6

See, to me the issue here isn't facebook...

See, to me the issue here isn't facebook... it's that she's expressed that the issue bothers her, and for whatever reason a satisfactory conclusion hasn't yet been reached. I'm only on facebook once every couple of weeks lately, but if I told someone I was in a relationship with that I'd changed my status, and would appreciate it if they did too, I'd think something was up if they didn't! If the problem is that he has issues about privacy/the internet, why is he on facebook? Because a relationship status is definitely one of the least invasive aspects of the site! And not thinking something is important is, as far as I'm concerned, never a good reason for making someone you're in a relationship with feel insecure/unsure about things/bad in general.

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Albedo

Albedoover a year ago

Answer 3 of 6

I am on Facebook sporadically. I do know...

I am on Facebook sporadically. I do know people for whom it is an indispensable part of their life, not just a mirror held up to it. It dose seem natural to me that as a piece of technology becomes more integrated into our daily lives our preexisting biases about what is appropriate to share with others come with us.

Once the internet was anonymous and people felt free to share whatever the wanted. Now all of your friends, family and coworkers are on Facebook and people are reverting to the traditional expectations of behavior. This may or may not be a bad thing, it is just change.

So yea it may only take a second to change your relationship status on Facebook, but it also only takes a second to say "I love you".

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PinkRoses

PinkRosesover a year ago

Answer 4 of 6

Maybe it's different for people who youn...

Maybe it's different for people who younger than me but most of the men I meet at my age could careless about facebook. I am definitely a social network junkie (I clearly enjoy this site and others) but my entire life doesn't revolve around it. I use facebook a lot to keep in touch with old friends and check pictures out but it's not like I'm going to stress over my boyfriend not updating his profile.

This could be totally different for the younger generation. Their entire social life is duplicated right in facebook. Everyone they meet, everything that happens, and everything they do is somehow documented in facebook. If every aspect of your life is up on facebook then I can understand being mad or at least wondering why the only thing not updated on facebook is your relationship status

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sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 5 of 6

I once planned on breaking up with a guy...

I once planned on breaking up with a guy, so I took the relationship status off of my facebook entirely, and then he confronted me about it, and I didn't want to do it online, and I tried to stall, and he called me on it, and we ended up breaking up online (which turned out to be fine for both of us). Anyway, I agree that facebook can be a big deal. You are publicly advertising what yourself, and as a result, your relationship status.

I would just caution that guys are not the best at expressing their feelings sometimes, especially under pressure. He might have a bad feeling about changing his relationship status online, and he can't quite figure out what it is yet. If you do talk to him, I would recommend giving him time to explain it if he needs it. There are some times when I have a certain emotional reaction to something, and it's not till the next day, after I've slept on it, that I realize what the actual root of my reaction is.

So, if he's the type that's not entirely communicative, or not "in touch with his emotions", then maybe you could say that if he can explain to you a good reason why not to do it, then you'll accept that and be happy. And give him time to sleep on it, and figure things out without the pressure of having to answer this over msn RIGHT THIS MOMENT.

Giving him this time might also give him time to get over his initial knee-jerk reaction, which could be a commitment-phobic thing, or a privacy thing, or even just something as simple as afraid of changing things, because everything is going so well.

So in conclusion: don't expect him to have a perfectly thought out and articulate answer right away. You've been fretting about this for awhile, and talking to other people, and your thoughts are straight forward. His might be jumbled up, confused, and he has a gut-reaction. If given time, he might be able to figure out how to put his emotions into words, or even talk himself out of being against changing his relationship status.

Wow, sorry for the long post.

Great Answer! (1)

scarlettewiththerope

scarlettewiththeropeover a year ago

Answer 6 of 6

Been wondering when facebook relationshi...

Been wondering when facebook relationship status would become a topic on here!

I think this is a REALLY common dilemma. Actually, I and a lot of people I know use the term 'facebook official' as a way to clarify exactly how serious a relationship is. My policy on relationship status is that I don't change mine until we have the conversation about being in a relationship/exclusivity, and I tell a guy that I'm changing mine and I'd appreciate it if he does too. It's something that takes 2 seconds, and in my experience the only people who avoid changing it are the people who are hiding something from someone. My former roommate (a chronic cheater) actually fake-deleted her facebook once in order to avoid the relationship status thing!

Basically, I see 2 scenarios. Either he thinks the facebook thing is no big and doesn't care, or there's something you don't know. If it's the first, he should have no problem changing it if you just ask him too, because if it's important to you it should be important to him. If it's the second, then he'll come up with a bunch of excuses not to change it and stall as long as possible.

I'm curious, have you asked him to change it/why he hasn't? When you changed yours, did you send the little request to be listed as 'in a relationship with ________' or did you just change it to 'in a relationship'?

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