The Ex

Q:

My ex-boyfriend keeps coming back What am I to him?

My ex boyfriend whom treated me horribly keeps coming back Every six to eight mths after a breakup he comes back after he has treated me terribly, broke my heart, and damn near broke my sprit. When he broke up with the first time he basically gave me some lame excuse after he didn’t support me and broke up with me one week after my grandma pasted away I was devastated. Then a year later we got back together and moved in to gether and he really broke my heart it crushed me..not only that his mother disrespected me multiple times now he is back calling me after seven mths of the break up, telling me he wants to have a baby!!! He knows I want children so I think he trys to lure me in with that. This man has almost broken me he put me through hell but I still love him a little due to our history.
but doesn’t want to be a couple he calls me only when its convievent or him once a week or once every two weeks at night when I call him he doesn’t answer he just asked me to go on a date..My women’s intuition tells me he is seeing someone or living with some skanky girl...I don’t know what to do? Why does he keep doing this to me and what do I do to let it go??Am I just a string along girl?? (I AM DATING A NEW GUY)

Princess22


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Small Fry

Small Fryover a year ago

Answer 1 of 3

End all ties and communication with this guy

There's no reason for you to even respond to this guy. You didn't say one good thing about him in that whole post. I don't see the trouble of completing moving forward and not even responding to him. Don't answer his calls, don't reply to his e-mails, don't communicate with him at all.

It sounds like you have moved on pretty well and he is just bugging you. You're seeing a new guy and you already can recognize that he's trying to manipulate you and take advantage of you. The signs can't be apparent enough that this guy is worthless and cancer.

As a guy, I feel like I can recognize what he's doing. He probably assumes you'll always be there and so he takes advantage of it. He does his own thing, sleeps around, and doesn't think twice about you....then when something bad happens, he's lonely, or he's afraid that maybe you have moved on, he reaches out to you and tries to lure you back in.

There's nothing good about this guy and it's time to wipe him out of your life forever.

Great Answer! (1)

howboutyou

howboutyouover a year ago

Answer 2 of 3

You need to cut all ties

This guy sounds absolutely HORRIBLE for you. Yes, you still love him a little b/c of your history and I think that's completely natural. We all have a certain place in our hearts for the people we were in love with. That never completely goes away. But you need to start thinking with your head on this. This guy is a virus in your life and you need to get him out of it. He's trying to bring you back in to this vicious cycle. I think it's a power thing...he like's that he has this power over you, that no matter what, you just can't get over him.

You have to cut all ties with this guy. Literally remove him from your life. Break this cycle, stand up for yourself, and be a strong woman. You need to look out for yourself and do what's in YOUR best interest. Forget about him, do what you have to do to get him out of the picture completely.

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sexpert

sexpertover a year ago

Answer 3 of 3

He's a D-bag.

So let's get this straight, he went out with you and he treated you horribly, and broke up with you in a really shitty way. Then you guys gave it another shot, you lived together, and again, he was a douche. Now he wants to have a baby with you.

The best predictor of someone's future actions is their past actions. Although I am a fan of believing people can change, you are in no way obligated to be the one to give him a chance and see.

The thing about people like him (and this goes for both men and women) is that they like to take advantage of people. You nailed it on the head when you said that he only calls you when it's convenient for him. Although it is more emotionally satisfying to say he's a douche bag, a more accurate description would be selfish. He sees other people in terms of what they can give to him, rather than what he can give to them. He has been able to take advantage of you before, and so he thinks that he can do it again.

You might be telling yourself that maybe he's changed, and it's true that there is a possibility that he is growing up, but when it comes to people that are in abusive relationships (and I use the term abusive in the broadest possible sense, meaning more of an unhealthy relationship) is that the abuser doesn't change unless they absolutely have to. Abusing/taking advantage of people/being selfish is very easy and convenient and as long as they can get away with it, it will be their first choice. The problem is that you guys have a history where he sees that he can manipulate you into doing what he wants, and so his first instinct is going to be to treat you like crap, because he's gotten away with it in the past.

You owe it to yourself to cut him out of your life. I know what it is like to love someone that is toxic for you. I have an ex that was horrible to me, manipulated me, guilt tripped me, played mind games, threatened me, and used physical force and intimidation to get his way. Dumping him was the best thing I ever did, and it probably saved my life. I still love him. I always will. There was a time, before things got bad, that I wanted him to be the father of my children. You don't just forget that. Despite all the pain, there will still be fondness.

The thing that I have to remember is that I love myself more than I love him. I have self-respect, and I know that if I am going to be the best person I can be, and achieve my full potential, then I need a partner to stand beside me, not someone who is going to go into a rage if I try to have a girls' night out. I know what I want, what I need, and what will make me happy, and a crap boyfriend is not on that list. I love myself too much to let myself be taken advantage of. I have too much self-respect.

You know that he's bad news. You *know* it. So yeah, it's hard to say no to him because you have fantasies about him changing and turning into a nice guy, and you do have deep feelings. The thing is that he knows this about you and he is playing you like a finely tuned instrument.

So what are you to him? You are someone who has given him what he wants in the past, and now he wants something from you, and he expects to get it from you if says the right words that will make you open up and trust him again. It is nicer and more pleasant to believe that he has real feelings for you, but the truth is you guys are coming from two different worlds. Loving someone for you is about mutual respect and a two way street where you support him, but he also supports you in your time of need. When he feels something for someone else, it means that he prefers to get his needs met by that person instead of someone else. It's two very different ways of seeing the world, and you should avoid guys (and girls) like this like the plague.

So what do you do? You know he's no good. You need to be clear, firm, and leave no room for misinterpretation or loop holes. you need to tell him that you never want to hear from him again. You can't let him get to you. He knows you well enough to say what you need to hear to in order to convince you that this time will be different, or that you would be a horrible person not to give him what you want. no matter what he says, reply the exact same way. Don't address anything he is saying, but be a brick wall. You have to convince him that he can't get what he needs from you. Every time he talks to you, say that you don't want to talk to him, and that you never want to hear from him again. If he doesn't get the picture, threaten a restraining order (they are actually easier to get than you think). He will say that you are overreacting, but you are protecting yourself and your well being.

Ditch the toxic d-bag, don't worry about what he thinks or feels, because the words that he says have nothing to do with what he really feels. He says things not because he means them but because they get the right reaction out of you.

Hope that answers your question, and best of luck to you.

Great Answer! (3)