Alright folks, I need some advice. So my lease on the apartment I currently living in is about to run up. I've been looking for new places and a roommate. One of my friends just so happens to be in the market for a new apartment and a roommate as well. We'll just call her "Rachel". So I've been pretty good friends with Rachel for a while. There's always been some sexual tension there as well...(she's pretty hot) but nothings ever happened. Just the other day she asked me if I wanted to be roommates and since then I've been constantly going back and forth about the idea.
On the one hand, its kind've like every guy's fantasy to live with a hot chick and possibly have a great hook up waiting for you in the other room every night. On the other hand I can think of a whole bunch of shitty situations it could lead to...her bringing a guy back, me bringing a girl back, female "things" layin all over the apartment. Oh and the possibility that if something does happen between the two of us and then ends, it could be a living hell.
This probably seems like I'm answering my own question given that last paragraph, but i need to find a roommate, quickly, and its not easy when you live in a big city and don't know a lot of people. Plus, she's a cool girl, we get along, and it might work out great...
So what do you think I should do? In general, is it a good or bad idea to have a roommate of the opposite sex?
Go ahead, have some fun
oaysisover a year ago
Answer 1 of 3
You could go either way; this is a highly circumstantial question. Thus, we'll go with a two part answer:
1. Find a random roommate or live by yourself.
I don't know about everyone else, but I have not had the best of luck living with random people. You never know if your cleaning preferences, sleep habits, and social preferences will be in sync. If any of those are significantly out of sync, the experience will be awful, a taint which will creep into the rest of your life as well. To be fair, these were college experiences; one would hope that an additional five years would mature the general population....but I don't think I'm ever going to take that chance again.
2.. Live with her.
I myself lived with with a fraternity, in their campus house, for most of an academic year (I had to move out for external reasons, nothing to do with the topic at hand). I had gotten to know all of the brothers, and they me, over the previous year. I needed a place to live, they had an extra room in their house, so the situation worked out.
Boarding there was phenomenal. I had my own room in the house; I'm assuming you and Rachel will have separate bedrooms as well. If not, you're going to have to implement the "off-limits" mentality for a good while
Being that we already knew each other, which is also the case for you and Rachel, we knew we wouldn't annoy each other through basic living habits. We'd frequently do work in each others' rooms, just for the company; we'd also simply talk and hang out late into the nights.
They did have a "boarders are off-limits" policy, which is sensible given that dating within the house has the potential to get VERY messy. There's differences between internally dating on a college campus, where each person can hide elsewhere in the house or even live with other friends for a while, and internally dating inside a shared apartment, where neither of you have somewhere else to stay (you've said you don't know many people in the area). Internally dating also gives you no space of your; everything is shared. This can lead to some awkward situations, especially in the beginning of a relationship....you are not supposed to find out about certain things until later in the relationship. I'm not talking about a moonlighting habit of bloody axe murdering (please don't date such people :D), I'm talking about the little things, like how much effort we really did put into our appearance.
However....that off-limits policy wasn't foolproof. It *IS* possible to date internally, provided you know that, if issues do arise--or you break up and must continue living together--you know that the both of you will be able to handle that situation without animosity. That detail is the only reason I'd recommend internally dating--whether that's with a housemate, a department at college, or a coworker. Both parties must be able to work through problems, including a possible breakup, without needing one of the two to transfer elsewhere.
Anyhow...back to the off-limits policy. No, I did not date any of the brothers; however, quite a few did flirt with the intention of pulling my interest. How this relates to you and Rachel: I think the policy is the correct way to go in the beginning, because it establishes trust between you two; attempting to jump right into a relationship immediately after moving in will probably erode her trust in you and your motives for wanting to live with her. I don't know what kind of relationship either of you might be looking for out of this, if one should happen; however, it's a rare girl who is okay with being the live-in casual sex buddy right off the bat. You've said she's hot; if you're looking for a relationship, I'd say make it clear she's not just a sex object to you, she's a personality who also happens to be hot.
The only caveat with beginning with such a policy is that, if you fall into friendly flirting, and she doesn't know you're legitimately interested in her, she may assume any later show of interest in her is just more of that same friendly flirting, and not pick up on the true interest. I don't think that would happen with Rachel, however; "hot" girls usually have an exquisitely fine-tuned sense of when flirting is friendly fire and when it is serious game.
P.S. Sorry for the novella.....I tend to be rather over-thorough :)
sexpertover a year ago
Answer 2 of 3
If you live with someone, I would say don't plan on hooking up, at least for the first couple months that you are together. I think it's hard on a blossoming relationship/fling if you already live together and spend a lot of time together. Would you move in with a gf before you even went on a first date?
I think I would have a mental block in my head saying that my roommate is off limits (and really off limits, not the sexy forbidden fruit kind of off limits) for the sake of a healthy and positive living environment. However, that's just my opinion.
As for "female things" lying around the apartment, if you grew up with a sister or a mother, than you probably are already used to it. If she leaves around something that makes you feel uncomfortable just ask her if it's possible for her to be more discrete. I mean, I'm a girl, and if my roommate left out her yeast infection cream on the bathroom counter, I would tell her to put it away, that I don't need to know about that, so as a guy, you are probably safe on that one.
As for jealousy, ask yourself how strongly you feel for her. Do you have a very strong emotional connection or just some sexual chemistry?
I would say that if you actually have some deep feelings for the girl, then moving in is not going to put you in a good place emotionally. either you can't have her (sucky) or you can have her, but you jump from first date to living with each other instantly, and that can be rough on any relationship. However, if she's just someone who is really hot and would be fun to fool around with, then you're more likely to be able to control your Johnson, your feelings, and just wait for her presence to be so everyday and ordinary that it doesn't stir any lust in you anymore.
Btw, are the sexual chemistry feelings mutual?
Studley Do Rightover a year ago
Answer 3 of 3
I lived with two girls while in college and it was AMAZING. They always introduced me to beautiful women and shined a great light on me. It helped my reputation with other girls because they figured if I could leave with women then I obviously had good habits and traits.
The other great thing was I always had two female perspectives whenever I had an issue with the opposite sex. Having guy friends to give you advice is great but it's not always the best. Being able to tap into the thought process of a woman can really be beneficial. I really enjoyed it and was my best living experience in college.
However, with that said, as you get older things change. It's great in college because you're partying all the time, studying, and the lifestyle is very laid back. I couldn't picture myself living with a woman today. It's nice to have a place where I can bring a lady back to relax and watch a movie. I find that sometimes girls are intimidated or threatened when you have a girl roommate, especially if they are attractive.
I'd like to hear some feedback from women though. I think this is a really interested topic