I have a horrible story! If people have been following my posts for awhile, then you know that I grew up in a very unhealthy church. I don't believe all churches are unhealthy, but this one was led by unhealthy people with unhealthy motivations, and they hurt a lot of people (and unfortunately still continue to hurt a lot of people). So while growing up in this extremely hostile fundamentalist church (which even other fundamentalist churches are like - guys, relax), I was taught a lot of hateful things about gay people, Jews (in a backward subtle way) and about sexuality in general. So, one year my brother was in a play they were doing about the Crucifixion of Jesus (obviously this was around Easter). I really wanted my girlfriend to understand what my old church was like. I wanted her to see the influences that shaped and made me who I was. I wanted her to understand what a miracle it was that I was the healthy, loving, and caring person that I was. So I brought my lesbian Jewish girlfriend as my date to my old church's Easter play. It was beautiful. I didn't introduce her to anyone as my gf, I just told them she was a friend. In one night, she got to see where I came from, and understood me on a whole new level. I also got to secretly rebel against my church and without telling anyone, I was screaming my victory over hate, prejudice, fear, and scorn. Something healed that day, and my girlfriend helped me do it. I finally got closure on some things that I never had closure on before. I think it benefited our relationship, and I felt closer to her than ever. So yeah, I bet you weren't expecting that one as an answer! Oh Sexpert, what a rebel you are! What a naughty girl! (and I have to admit, half the fun was being so damn naughty!)more

The first year that my wife and I started dating we went on a day trip to an amusement part like 6 flags. It was unreal. Not only was I with the girl of my dreams but we felt like kids again. I felt like I was on a date in middle school or high school with nothing to worry about. Just the two of us running around, going on roller coasters, eating carnival food, going on the water slides. It sounds corny but It definitely was one of the best dates ever. more

Here's my advice: Stop thinking about it so much. You need to realize one thing. Whether you're with one person or a group of 20, you are still the same person. Its completely normal to feel a little nervous and self-conscious when you're on a date. Trust me, you're not alone. When you start to analyze everything you say, every little motion or gesture that you make...you're undeniably going to become more nervous. Just be yourself, stop thinking so much, and if you can't let loose and find that you need to focus on something...then focus on her. Focus on listening to what she's saying, envisioning the story shes telling, laughing at her little jokes. Make the date about her and you'll stop worrying so much about yourself.more

I'm young and in a serious relationship but this also my first serious relationship. I was in the same boat as you when I started talking to my current boyfriend. My suggestion is to first set up dates in comfortable settings for both of you. The traditional dinner is sometimes overwhelming. It forces uncomfortable conversations at times and can makes this awkward. I suggest do going out and doing something fun. The zoo, a sporting event, putt-putt, going to the park and throwing a Frisbee, a concert, etc. The point is to have a place were you both can let loose and not be forced to only enjoy the company of each other but also enjoy the environment your in. As far as how you should act...clearly there are things you wish you could do...you probably wish you could say things to her or wish you could hug her, etc. Well follow those desires and force yourself to come out of your shell. Ultimately the worst thing that can happen is she doesn't accept them and you move on. There's times in life were the person you are attracted to simply isn't attracted back. It's a reality that many people refuse to admit to. However, best case scenario is that you finally show how you feel and she's digging it back. Girls like guys who have the confidence to make a move. It's attracting to come across a guy who is confident enough to come forward and express that he's into you. If you don't do anything about it, you'll live your life never knowing what could have come of things. So if you feel a certain way towards a girl, flirt with her. Show her that you enjoy hanging out with her and you want to hang out more. I also suggest looking at the flirting section on this site and going through a lot of the content - http://www.leftos.com/topic/view/64 - you'll find a lot of helpful advice. Also anything that Kyle Miracle has written on this site could be a help in regards to flirting with girls. He's real good with that stuff. Hope I helped :)more

Here are my rules: 1. The person must have a detailed profile. I want a picture that looks real, and some details such as the name of their workplace or school. Vague profiles or ones that people didn't spend any time on are a red flag for me. It's also good if people say that they are friends with other people on the site (I know okcupid lets you link to other profiles). 2. They are okay with just talking online at first. There was one guy who said that he didn't like talking online and preferred in person. Although this may be true, this is also a red flag. Someone who is not comfortable talking online will have to learn how to do it if they want to do online dating. Don't let someone pull you out of your comfort zone. 3. Trust your gut. We are really perceptive animals, but we aren't always conscious about what exactly we are picking up. Sometimes we say that "we had a bad vibe" or "I knew something was weird, but couldn't put my finger on it". Listen to those instincts. You've been learning how to read people since you were born. You're not on trial here, and trust me, it's better to be rude to a stranger than to put yourself in harm's way. 4. Get a feel for what this person is like. Are they overly selfish? do they degrade other people (not necessarily you)? Do they have any aggressiveness to them? Do they frustrate easily? Are they pushy? Sometimes we are so desperate to be liked that we stop being picky about who we want to like us. You don't have to please everyone. 5. As always, meet in a public place, or go for a group date. tell someone where you are going, and when you will be back. Go ahead and ask them to do a check-in phone call. Also, arrange for your own transportation. Make sure that you have money for a cab, or an emergency ride if you need it. And remember, taking safety measures doesn't mean that the other person is a horrible person. If you stop talking to someone, it doesn't mean that you are passing judgment on them as a loser for the rest of the world to see. Don't let yourself be pressured into meeting someone that you don't fully want to meet with, and don't let your guard down prematurely because you want to be liked. I was very guarded when I first met with my bf (we met online). It was funny because he kept inviting me up to his apartment, and I said no for a long time (at least, it was a long time in my mind). It wasn't that I suspected anything malicious in him, but was a matter of self respect. I knew that if he wasn't a douchebag, then he wouldn't pressure me, and wouldn't make me feel bad. Turns out he was just really proud of his apartment and wanted to show me his cool paintings. But it was okay, because he wasn't a douchebag,and he was okay with taking it slow. Safety is about self-respect, and it's not a reflection on who you are talking to, and it's never regrettable to respect yourself.more

I've tended to communicate just enough to know that there could be some interest and look to meet for a coffee. I find that email and instant messenging doesn't give me enough of a feel for the person and the chemistry so I'd rather meet them sooner rather than later. That being said, it's almost always at a busy coffee shop... it's casual, it can end quickly or linger on depending how it's going, and it's not a huge investment in time or money. That gives me a chance to know if I want to go on a full date with them based on real world chemistry...more

I always like communicating for a while before exchanging anything too personal. I then tend to move the communication to webcam because it's one step closer to meeting someone in person without having to actually do so. Once you decide to meet someone in person for the first time I would make sure you let someone know who you plan to meet, where you plan to meet them, and how long you plan on being there. I would suggest you call them right before you go in to meet the person and also call right after (so they don't worry). I'll try to think of some more things to stick to.more

Well the first date all depends on how I know the person... if I don't know the woman very well and just want to get to know her better, I often suggest going for a coffee. It's fairly relaxed, allows us a chance to get a feel for each other, and it can go as long as (or end as quickly as) needed (but not too long ;-) ). Otherwise, I've had "dates" such as going for a run in the woods or a bike ride, indoor picnics [at home or some interesting location], strolling the mall or market or quirky used goods store, cooking together, hiking (even winter hikes), mini golf, ... I still lean towards dates that allow us to chat (ie - MTB not so much where running is great, coffee/dinner good but movie not so much)more

From an older women's (30) standpoint, I personally like relaxed first dates were we can talk and get to know each other. The environment is important. If it's a laid back environment were no one has to get dressed up, I think it sets the mind in a laid back mood and people seem to relax more. This might have to do with my age. At 30, finding a person who is mature and can have a fun and easy going conversation is extremely important to me. I'm not looking to find someone who can show me some wild and crazy time and take me skydiving or go-karting. I would suggest just doing coffee in a populated, laidback setting. This way there are people around, there is no long forced date, and the setting is laid back. I also suggest trying out some cool new restaurant thats different. So when Mongolian BBQ first opened up that was really cool and fun to go on a date. Maybe a place were you dip a bunch of foods in fondue or something. Things like that provide easy conversations, make the date fun, and so on. Japanese restaurants that cook on the table work great too. They are always fun and set the mood in a fun way.more

I think Park dates are pretty cool it gives you some time to relax and talk. Maybe go feed some ducks. For me I always try to go somewhere with something fun to do and I like being in a place where I can talk to her. I'd also recommend the Wii as HomeBoy said. It really isn't the first suggestion you'd think would come to mind but in reality the Wii is like crack and it's a little fun competition. Maybe you could be cooking something whilst you play etc.more

First dates are tough because you don't know the person enough yet to structure a date around their liking. I like the putt-putt and go kart idea. You can also do things like going to a park and kicking a soccer ball around if you know she's into sports or playing some tennis. I think playing Wii is always really fun. Doing things competitive are great because you can get the girl all into it and make little bets like kisses or a second date. I also think you really get to know someone when you see them in a competitive spirit. It opens them up. more

If you are indeed 12 (and not a typo for 22 or something), then girls at that age play games. We don't know what the heck we're doing, and most of us aren't comfortable dating at that age either. Wait three years, and see what happens. Till then, enjoy being around good people and good friends.more

It has come to my attention that ronnocv is twelve years old. Other posters may want to change their responses a bit, as I did.more

Avoid: chick flicks, romantic comedies. (And, for the love of all things holy, don't want "Love Actually" unless you want a crying lady on your couch.) Classics like the aforementioned "Princess Bride" are fun. So is "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". (Of course, I have no idea if that resonates with you. There could be an age gap here.) Comedies, (but nothing too gross) and action are a good idea. If you've discussed a movie that s/he has mentioned they'd like to see but haven't, that's probably best. It shows you've been paying attention. (Foreign and indie flicks are good, but avoid anything with subtitles.)more

First of all, good on you for being considerate of the girl's feelings, and understanding that she might take issue with this. Not a lot of guys even get to the point where they even take the time to look at how their actions could be (mis)interpreted. Inviting her over in and of itself is not usually enough for a girl to draw conclusions, but more about how you do it, and what your response to her response is. For example, if you ask her to come over after a steamy make out session, that's different than saying "you know, I have this favourite recipe that I want to show you, do you want to come over and try it?" If the girl does say no, be polite and suggest her place, going to the movies instead, hanging out at the mall, or the university you both go to, etc. When she sees that what you're interested in is spending time with her, and not necessarily about where it is, it will make her feel more comfortable. I did this to my current bf. He kept inviting me up to his apartment, and for the first couple dates, I said no, because I wasn't comfortable being alone in his apartment with him (we met through online dating). He was never pushy about it, and although for my own comfort I held off, he got points in my books for not being creepy. By the by, it turns out he wasn't thinking about trying to get me in bed, he was just really proud of his apartment.more