I work. I'm a workaholic when single. I want something to be proud of, to take up my time, and to be a worthwhile investment (unlike that stupid ex) and therefore I tend to pick up extra hours at work, work extra hard at school, or try to find volunteer opportunities. I find that doing these also leads to me meeting more people, and that makes me feel good, and increases my chances of meeting someone that I find a spark with. That being said, I don't actually mind being single. I am perfectly happy being mate-less (although I usually find myself an NSA sex partner to keep my other needs satisfied). My friends are a real source of comfort for me. If I feel bad after a break up, it's not because I'm single, but rather because I let a jackass into my life, and I hate it when I trust people and they betray that trust. I like a good old fashioned night at home with the girls to bitch, watch funny movies (NOT rom-coms) and play video games where I get to kill zombies. Pretending to blow sh*t up makes me feel better when I lose faith in humanity, lol. My friends are really good at that "he/she isn't good enough for you, and no one should ever treat you that way, you are an amazing person and you'd never deserve being treated like that". Dear god I love my friends.more

I try to spend as much time around awesome people as possible, so that I remember that they still exist. I also try to remember to spend time on myself, on my happiness and well-being. Awesome people+self improvement=what boyfriend?more

I think sexpert gives great advice above. I just happened to watch the movie, 500 days of summer this weekend and it had me thinking about similar situations as the one you currently have. **WARNIN** - if you haven't seen the movie and would like to...don't read on. I give too much away. Like Sexpert said, our minds tend to build certain people up as these perfect people. It's the same thing that happens when people build up a famous person in their minds as their hero, their icon, etc. Then they meet the person and are completely let down because the person in their head does not really exist. We tend to do this with people we love as well. So similar to what Sexpert said, begin to train your mind to think more logically about this girl. Anytime you think of something great about her or that you miss about her, make sure your remind yourself one of those things that really pisses you off about her. Another thing that I loved about the movie 500 days of summer is that it takes you threw the entire process of a young guy falling for a girl, making up his mind she's the one, not getting what he wants back mutually, and eventually getting hurt. It then takes you back to show you all the hints and red flags she gives him throughout their time together that indicates she doesn't feel mutually. He was just so into this girl that he was blinded by the light and never saw the signs. Anyhow, its a great movie for the situation you're in because it shows you that often times you think someone is the one but they really aren't. It shows you how you sometimes make up your mind that the person is amazing and then go on to miss the things that actually show you that their not as compatible as you thought. In your situation, I suggest you watch it ASAP more

There are a couple things that work for me. 1. Think of everything crappy about them. Sometimes I build up this idealized version of the person that I like in my head. I'm essentially falling for someone that doesn't exist. If I can remember what irks me about the person, or how they have hurt me, etc, it helps me to take them down off the pedestal and helps me to have more manageable feelings for them. yes, focus on the negative, the irritating, and the things you would normally be able to brush off. 2. Think about something else. I know this sounds self-explanatory, but every time you think about her in a positive way, you are reinforcing the neural pathways in your brain, making it easier to think about her again. Thinking about her is a habit, and sometimes, the best way to break the habit is to go cold turkey. This gets a little bit complicated, because you see her often, and because you may have some feelings to work out, and ignoring feelings doesn't make them go away (well, not for the big stuff anyway). so you need to separate what you are thinking into constructive thoughts (ie: thinking about how to get over her, thinking about how you are going to handle the party with her there that night) with non-constructive thinking (ie: her hair smells really good). Come up with a plan for when you start having non-constructive thinking. Distract yourself, sing a song, try saying the alphabet backwards, do something that will take your mind off of her, and eventually, it gets easier to get your brain to "turn the page" and stop thinking about her when you don't need to. 3. Fall in love with someone else. http://www.leftos.com/opinion/view/465 this explains the biochemical reason why this actually works, but essentially - try broadening your social circle to include other people. Go on other dates. Expose yourself to new locales that have no meaning related to her (don't bring your next date to her favourite restaurant). 4. And lastly - give it time. Although you should probably also ask yourself about being attracted to red flags. What are these red flags? What is your type? Can you break away from that? Do yourself a favour, and next time you go on a date with someone, make she she isn't a clone of your currently fling. Now back to that school education-thing that I'm SUPPOSED to be doing.more

I largely agree with PinkRoses. You're first responsibility is definitely to yourself. I say just be honest with her. Tell her you love her and that because of that you want both of you to be healthy, and to do that you both need space so that she can focus on dealing with her stuff and you can maintain yourself. I think you should also define exactly how much space you need for yourself before you go into that conversation, so you can tell her exactly what you need the boundaries to be without any misunderstanding. How do you see the balance of her need for your support at a difficult time balancing with your need to take care of yourself, ideally? Set a goal, and ask her to work with you to meet it. To me, the worst part about difficult conversations is when things aren't clearly defined; no one can play by the rules if they don't know what they are. At least, this is how I'd hope someone who loved me would approach the situation.more

It may sound selfish but the most important thing is your own health and sanity. Unless the person you're talking about is a family member, then I think it's first important to take care of yourself before you take care of overs. If you become bogged down by her problems, then how could you help her out? You can't save someone who falls into the ice, if you fall in with them, right? The goal is to put yourself in a position that you have complete control over how much time you spend with her, without being a bad guy if it's not a lot. I say you come at it by addressing all the stress she has. Suggest to her that your relationship might not be a good thing for her. It may just add to her stress. Tell her you don't want her to worry about the relationship and that the two of you should not be as serious as you have been. That way she can focus on getting things together and the two of you can go out and hang out when she's not as stressed? It's definitely a case by case situation and the way you approach it can change depending on what type of things she's dealing with. I suggest all the stuff above because I feel like that's how I would most likely want to be approached if I was in her shoes....maybe I'm wrong??more

"I don't want to do what I say I'm going to do." Ok, he MIGHT have phrased it differently. More like "you're unreasonable for expecting me to do what I say I'm gonna do, you should know that I'm a guy and shit happens." That's really pretty accurate. Gerr. And the kicker is that he did it over AIM!! It's ok though, we eventually got back together... and eventually broke up again... and when we did I dumped him via text. Snarky petty revenge is MINE!!!!! (note: I would never dump anyone other than face to face... except him because he'd already done it over IM and turnabout is fair goddamn play.)more

I see that the majority of women disagree with Thinkr's #2 (avoidance) but as a guy who cares. That's what makes me feel comfortable. I can't just flick a switch and go from being with someone on a sexual, intimate level to a friendship, lets just go out for coffee and chat level. Especially if I've only known the person based on an intimate level. There's no rule that says I have to be friends, hang out, and stay in touch after I break things off with a girl I've been talking to/hooking up with. Call me an asshole if you want but I'm just being honestmore

Well she should only be surprised if your actions haven't been the same as your feelings... but regardless, if you've only been seeing someone for a short time, you don't necessarily owe them any big explanations. Don't make it dramatic, a simple I think you are attractive and cool but I'm just not feeling it anymore and would like to be friends. Don't turn it into a talk (unless you professed your love to her or this has been going on for months not weeks )... and don't keep flirting with/sleeping with her after. It's not rude to be upfront with her, in fact you are treating with her respect by allowing her to know whats going on and trusting she can handle her own feelings.more

She’s a grown up, just be honest with her :) Tell her what you told us, that you like her, you still wanna hang out, but you think you ought to date other people because there’s not really a future. Then, actually hang out with her and don’t avoid her! Also, don’t be flirty. If you say you wanna be friends, mean it. I’d still be really good friends today with someone if he’d been able to do this.more

Here's the bottom line. If she's into you, then no matter how you do it, she's gonna get hurt. That's just something you have to accept. The way I see it, you basically have 2 options. 1. Be Honest - be up front with her about your feelings. Tell her you had fun with her but you think that you're better off as friends. Be sure you let her down gently or else you could deal with some backlash/drama/uncomfortable situations in the near future. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's certainly not the easiest - especially for the person getting the raw end of the deal. She's gonna be hurt. 2. Avoidance - start to avoid her. Put some distance between the two of you. This means start making excuses why you can't hang out, if your out and you run into her, treat her like anyone else, and eventually stop answering her calls. I know what you're thinking "that's cowardly" or in more plain english "no, don't be such a pussy". I agree, this is definitely the chicken-sh*t way of handling it, but believe it or not, I actually think this is the better idea. You're going to avoid a really rough and conversation, and by weaning her off you like this, it will be alot less damaging. Plus, she's gonna figure it out after a little while and by then she really won't care anymore. I'm only speaking from personal experience here. I've tried it both ways, and in the end...option #2 always worked out better for the both of us. (especially if she thinks your a nice guy, then you can get away with it a lot easier). Also, if you do actually want to maintain a friendship with this girl, then choosing option #1 could potentially mess that all up. If she's not a strong girl, she'll probably be too uncomfortable around you afterwards to be friends....it'll always be "too weird". more

Dude, what's wrong with being honest here? It sounds like she won't have a mental breakdown considering it's a casual relationship. Just tell her that you don't want to act like the relationship is something it's not. You like her as a person, but aren't interested in seeing her in a romantic light anymore. That's all. She's a big girl, I'm sure she'll be okay. You see? This is the problem with having sex before you establish some kind of connection...more

"I don't see myself with you right now..." means I'm young, I want to play the field and go out with other women. "...but I see myself ending up with you." means I know you're good for me, have good morals etc and probably no one else will match up to you but I just wanna play the field for a bit and find out. It was probably meant to be a compliment to you. Thing is... will YOU be there and want him back if he does decide he wants to make another go of it? Go out, enjoy your life and meet other people. If the relationship is meant to be then it will be. ~Eve~more

If you take it literal then yes I can understand it being unfair and tough to accept. I think you have to look at what the person is trying to say. I had a boyfriend that I was very much into but based on our lifestyles, were we lived, and some other issues like those, it just wasn't going to work. At the time I could have seen myself still ending up with that guy but under the current circumstances, it just wasn't possible to be with him. It was better for both of us to move on and see how we continued to feel. In my case I moved on and my feelings began to fizzle. I realized that unless we lived under an ideal situation, him and I weren't going to happen. I ended up meeting some new guys and pursuing a couple. Eventually I found one that fit the lifestyle I currently have it and worked out well. I think what people forget about relationships is that it's not only about how nice, good looking, etc. the person is. It's also about if they fit in your lifestyle. I want my boyfriend to get along with my friends and family, enjoy the things I enjoy to do, and simply be that puzzle piece to my puzzle. When you date someone you have to change certain things in your life so they can fit in. When you find yourself having to change more things than not in your life just so the relationship works, then I think your going to find yourself having a lot of problems. I personally think that's what he probably meant and I wouldn't let it linger and hold you back. Go out, meet new guys and try to find someone you like. Try to find someone that can fit into your life just the way you enjoy living it. Things change and you might find yourself back with the same old guy and fitting just right with each other. For now, don't even think about that. Just get out there and try new things. That's one of the greatest things about being young. Meeting new people and finding out what you like. more

It's hard to say whether this comment was "fair" or not because it sounds like this guy was just trying to express his feelings...and in doing so, maybe he didn't realize the effect it would have on you. I can see how hearing that could mess with your head a little...like, you're hesitant to start something with another person because your ex said you'd be together in the end. In my opinion, it sounds like he loves you but he needs time to focus on some personal things just like Albedo said. Also, you may not be right for each other now OR in the future so my suggestion would be not to let this statement hold you back from other possibilities. MOVE ON with your life and most importantly, take care of yourself. Make this new year about YOU and maybe trying new things and growing from this experience. Don't give up--because he may not be the one for you but someone out there is and when the time is right, you will find him. more