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Communication in a Relationship

  • Studley Do Right

    So True

    It's funny you say that because I'm a very polite and proper guy when you first meet me. Not stiff but I definitely won't come out right away and say something dirty 5 minutes after we meet. However, deep down inside I still have the humor of a 15 year old boy (and I'm proud of it). So once I get comfortable with someone and know they won't judge me for the weird things I say...I let loose. I'm sure there's people out there that could think of some outrageous stuff I've said to them in my day. I think everyone can relate to this.more

    Studley Do Right - Answer to the question "Crazy things my partner says..." - 14 hours ago

  • Kinkster

    Oh good lord, the walls of text I could ...

    Oh good lord, the walls of text I could leave here. I wear glasses, have for years. The first time I met my boyfriend's best friend, I gave my guy a hug, then promptly pulled away when my glasses fogged up. I meant to say "My glasses fog up every time I hug you" what came out was "My glasses fog up every time I fuck you." That was one of the first things my guy's BFFL heard me say, and I have not heard the end of it since. Also, the phrases 'lightsabers', 'only if I can play with yours', and 'to boldly go where no man has gone before' hold alot of special significance, the last one being an especially long story.more

    Kinkster - Answer to the question "Crazy things my partner says..." - 14 hours ago

  • sexpert

    Crazy things my partner says...

    So, when you are with someone for long enough, eventually they say things that make you burst out laughing, make you stop and think "did they just say that?" or things that you would think were bizarre if anyone else besides your partner said it. And sometimes, you want to share these bizarre and funny things online with a group of strangers. For example, "that's what I like about this household, everyone I poke makes a noise when I do it" (He's actually referring to poking the cat, and the cat chirped in response)more

    sexpert - Question in Communication in a Relationship - one day ago

    Answers 1 | 1

  • Red15

    We basically say it constantly.... O...

    We basically say it constantly.... Occasions that spark the phrase: - Saying Goodbye - Phone Conversation - At night before we go to sleep - Sometimes when he knows I'm irritated, to make me smile I don't think there's ever too much "love". There are definitely times when I want/need to hear it, and thankfully - he knows when those times are. It never irritates me to hear him tell me he loves me.more

    Red15 - Answer to the question "How often do you say "I love you?"" - 28 days ago

  • sexpert

    First thing, don't get too worked up. Yo...

    First thing, don't get too worked up. You could sit there and make tons of "what ifs" and it doesn't serve any purpose. Don't be drunk or high. Not a big problem in your situation, but seriously, for other people, don't have heavy conversations when you're intoxicated. How can you expect your partner to think clearly, react reasonably, and be able to listen to you carefully if you are both smashed? Plus, how are you supposed to accurately get your message across if you are slurring your words and being overly emotional? Something that my mom and I do when we have heavy conversations, is that we don't say important things when we are overly emotional. This comes from my mom's experience of having very cruel things said to her when she told her parents she was pregnant outside of wedlock. Her parents were speaking out of shock, anger, and disappointment, and 33 years later, it still hurts her. So when we have serious conversations, my mom will sometimes say "I hear you. I understand you. I want to wait for this to sit and absorb before I say anything, okay?" and to tell you the truth, I personally like this. Not saying something out of emotion is an option. Remember that in your conversation. You can also choose to break up a heavy conversation over several days. Something that helps me is understanding what my priorities are. This probably applies less in your situation since you aren't in a serious relationship with this girl, but I know that sometimes going into a heavy conversation, I remind myself of what I want out of the conversation. I want to be able to voice my opinion. I want my partner to feel heard. I want my partner to feel safe. I want to support whatever choice my partner makes. I want our relationship to improve from this conversation. I want to make a plan of action, etc. Thinking about these things can influence and guide my reactions to information and what is being said. well, I always write long responses, so I'll leave the rest to other people.more

    sexpert - Answer to the question "How do you prepare for a heavy conversation?" - 29 days ago

  • Small Fry

    How do you prepare for a heavy conversation?

    I've been talking to a girl and hooking up with her for a couple weeks now. She called and said she wanted to grab some coffee and talk about things. Clearly this is implying that I'm in for a pretty heavy conversation. Not specific to just my scenario, what are some of the best ways to prepare for a "heavy" conversation? more

    Small Fry - Question in Communication in a Relationship - 29 days ago

    Answers 1 | 0

  • steveo7

    For me, theres kindve 2 different ways o...

    For me, theres kindve 2 different ways of saying it to my gf. Theres the routine I love you and the real I love you. The routine I love you is always out of habit and is pretty much meaningless. I'm talking about the end of a phone call or IM, or after a kiss goodnight, or when she leaves to go do something and gives me a little a peck on the lips. This is routine...its done so regularly because we've been raised in a society where that is the norm. In my opinion though, when something that's normally so meaningful and deep, becomes so routine, it loses it's meaning. Which brings me to the other way of saying it, the real I love you. This is that kind've "look her in the eyes and say it slowly" way...and maybe even tack on a sincere "so much" at the end. This one carries weight, its sincere, and romantic. It's said on special occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, etc..), after sex, on a romantic date, during some intimate alone time etc..more

    steveo7 - Answer to the question "How often do you say "I love you?"" - 35 days ago

  • Small Fry

    I've never been in a relationship that's...

    I've never been in a relationship that's gotten to the point of saying "I love you". I'm a younger guy tho so I'm in no rush to be honest. When I'm talking to people like family...I always make a point to say "I love you" before I leave or hang up any phone call. Even if we get into an argument on the phone call I still say it. To me it's a way of reminding them that no matter what happens, I still love them. I also have the mentality that you never know when the last time you'll have the chance to say that to them. God forbid something happen, I don't want to have to look back and think that I never had the chance to say "I love you" to them. more

    Small Fry - Answer to the question "How often do you say "I love you?"" - 35 days ago

  • sexpert

    How often do you say "I love you?"

    I'm currently in a relationship where my bf loves me dearly, but never says it. Well, he never says the phrase "I love you". He says it in other ways, and this is just fine with me. We're on the same page. However, I was wondering how often other people say it. What occasion always gets you to say it? For example, ending a phone conversation, saying goodbye in the morning, after making love, after your partner gives you a gift? Is there such thing as too little or too much? Are there times when you need to hear it? Are there times when it annoys you?more

    sexpert - Question in Communication in a Relationship - 36 days ago

    Answers 1 | 2

  • sexpert

    People have already pretty much answered...

    People have already pretty much answered this, but for a different perspective here is what is new that I have to offer: I always talk about my exes. I've had abusive exes. I've had to call the cops on one and threaten him with a restraining order. If, for some reason, he comes back into my life, I need to be able to turn to my partner and say "Crazy Chris came to work today" and then they know I have to call the police, and have our cell phones charged, or even stay at a friend's house. I've also had abusive relationships that started off great, and then got slowly worse and worse. I am very keen to spot the early signs of an unhealthy relationship, and my partners need to know there are certain things I will not tolerate, and I will overreact to (in my head, I'm not overreacting). My partners need to know about my past, because it does affect our relationship now. It would be nice if it didn't, but then again, I wouldn't be the woman I am today without horrible things happening, changing me, and molding me to be a better person. Now, I don't tell them this all at once, or on a first date. Things get revealed slowly after time according to how intense and committed our relationship is. Just a thought on why talking about past relationships can be very important, although not always comfortable.more

    sexpert - Answer to the question "Asking about previous relationships" - 42 days ago

  • sexpert

    I'm a talker (if you haven't guessed). T...

    I'm a talker (if you haven't guessed). The problem with the way that I talk, is that I am very open, straight forward, honest, and blunt. This is not to say I'm not tactful, because I would like to think I'm not rude, but some people have complained that I held no mystery. If I wanted something, I asked for it. If I felt a certain way, I said it. I am not a puzzle that needs to be unraveled. There is rarely any subtext, and I am definitely bad at being subtle. Therefore, I am not very compatible with people who prefer girls play hard to get, have an element of mystery, or people who want to be kept guessing. I've had long distance relationships where talking was all we had, and they were some of the most intense relationships I have ever had. As a talker, and someone who enjoys open, honest, and deep communication, I love to listen to my partners talk. there are times when we get into intense discussions and afterward it's like "whoa, I need a cigarette" (I don't smoke) and there is this feeling of intense intimacy, excitement, and an emotional flood that is incredibly similar to sex. So as long as your relationship also involves doing things as well as talking, and as long as you communicate in a healthy, honest, and attractive way (whatever attractive is for you or your partner) then it's fine. I think most people don't communicate enough in their relationships (at least about the important stuff) and communicating well during times of ease will help you build the base and the skill to be able to communicate well during the rough patches.more

    sexpert - Answer to the question "Talk a relationship to death?" - 42 days ago

  • HomeBoy

    It's a tough balance for me. I never wa...

    It's a tough balance for me. I never want to dominate the conversation and bore someone but I also want to be with someone that I don't have to consciously think about when to talk and how much to say. Without a doubt it's possible to talk a relationship to death. Who wants to go out with someone who just talks for 80% of the time you're together. I would get pretty bored and probably annoyed. So I say at first, no matter how comfortable you feel with someone, try to just keep it balanced. Remind yourself that you can only learn about the person if you let them talk and share their stories. Maybe spark conversations but definitely try to keep the dialog 50-50. Once you become more comfortable with each other and have been dating for awhile, I think you will naturally stop thinking about this stuff. You'll just be yourself and clearly if it's come that far, they like you for who you are (and vise versa)more

    HomeBoy - Answer to the question "Talk a relationship to death?" - 42 days ago

  • StillFiguringItOut

    Talk a relationship to death?

    I'm not that worried about it, but finding someone I talk so well with, it made me wonder is it possible to talk a relationship to death? [I realize that doing things and sharing moments is as important as the talking... but was curious about peoples experiences]more

    StillFiguringItOut - Question in Communication in a Relationship - 42 days ago

    Answers 1 | 1

  • Fork in Road

    I agree to a certain extent with Albedo....

    I agree to a certain extent with Albedo. I think you need to first think clearly about how you feel for him and how you can properly express your feelings to him. You don't want to explain your thoughts above and have them be taken incorrectly. There is no right way to have the conversation. There is only so much you can do to try and predict how he will handle it or what's the best way to bring it up in the first place. At the end of the day, what will dictate the conversation and his response is based mostly on how he feels in relation to how you feel. My suggestion would be to mentally prepare for any type of response. Don't let him think that you are giving him some type of ultimatum that he must choose between. Make sure he knows it's just something you have been dwelling on and wanted to discuss. If the two of you can openly discuss topics like these without it becoming an argument or an uncomfortable situation, then I think that says a lot about both of you and how you connect with each other. There are married couples who can't even openly discuss things like this. At the end of the day, bring it up and don't make it a huge issue. Just make him know that you want to know his thoughts about you because you know what your thoughts about him are. more

    Fork in Road - Answer to the question "Dating with FOREVER in mind. " - 71 days ago

  • Albedo

    I statements are your friend. I will alw...

    I statements are your friend. I will always advocate bluntness. If you want to know what he thinks ask and be prepared to volunteer your opinion and desires on the topic. What you should ask yourself before you talk to him is what will you do if he feels the same way about you and what if he doesn't? Would you be willing to continue the relationship if he is not interested in FOREVER? You will also need to present how you feel in a way that dose not punish him for not feeling the same way. This will only lead to bad things.more

    Albedo - Answer to the question "Dating with FOREVER in mind. " - 72 days ago

  • immilla

    Dating with FOREVER in mind.

    Ok... Say you've seriously been dating a guy for awhile. You've never brought up the whole "marriage" concept because it's still really early and you're in no means ready to tie the knot, but this is the person you can see yourself settling down with. You know that he really really loves you but you want to make sure that you're on the same page. How do you tell him that you want to work towards that end goal of a life long commitment without totally freaking him out? And if he not sure you're that person yet is it worth continuing to date him? If he isn't as confident about your future together as you are does it mean hes not the one? I struggle with whether it's a very black and white thing or if there's a lot of gray area. Do you think a person knows right away if he or she is the one or does it sometimes take some time to figure that out? more

    immilla - Question in Communication in a Relationship - 72 days ago

    Answers 0 | 2

  • Fork in Road

    In Control

    Do you think someone is always in control of a relationship or do you think it's possible for things to exist completely down the middle? Also, what type of person are you? Do you like to be in control of things or do you take a step back? I personally go with the flow. My wife is a lot more picky about things and it works out well. I let her choose things like movies, restaurants, etc. It's not that I'm "whipped", I just don't care and rather not have to make all the plans either. If there is something I particularly or a couple I want to go out with, it's not really an issue with her. I just generally don't care. more

    Fork in Road - Question in Communication in a Relationship - 84 days ago

    Answers 0 | 0

  • Fork in Road

    My wife and I do not have any children b...

    My wife and I do not have any children but many of our friends do. I think it's important that the wife/mom remains happy. She's the core to the family. The glue. Her mood plays a vital role on everyone in the family...from the husband to the kids to the grandparents to everyone. My wife and I agreed that when we have kids she will take at least the first couple years off from work to spend time with them and raise them. We don't want them to have the majority of their early years spent with babysitters and nannies. Of course we are also luckily in the position to make the decision. Some families need both parents to work. The point I'm getting at with the above is that while I'll be at work she will be at home all day taking care of the children. That is some really tough work and at times can be hard to stay happy in that lifestyle. The kids won't be happy unless she is happy and I won't be happy if I have to come home to her in a really bad mood. So you can keep the wifemommy happy, I think overall the family and house will be a happier placemore

    Fork in Road - Answer to the question "Is the old saying "Happy Wife. Happy Life" true?" - 85 days ago

  • sexpert

    If there is no benefit to telling the tr...

    If there is no benefit to telling the truth, than lie of omissions are acceptable in my books. I don't want my bf to tell me the truth all the time. There are some days when I'm too busy and stressed to handle it. There are some days when something is bothering him, but he assesses the situation, and decides to bring it up with me another day. So when do white lies get in the way of communication? If you need to lie repeatedly, if you are misrepresenting yourself in the long term, or if you are avoiding resolving a problem that is stressing you out. If I said what was bothering me every time it bothered me, I would turn into a horrible horrible nag. And the fact is, sometimes I don't need my partner to change, I'm the one that needs to change, relax, work harder, or let things go. If my bf was honest with me all the time, it would get in the way of my self improvement. If he always told me when I dressed horribly, or when I was messy, or left my clothes on the floor, then I would get frustrated with his expectation of perfection, and my lack of progress, so he just reminds me every once in awhile. I know that he sacrifices for me sometimes, but it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice if he told me just how much he didn't want to do what he was doing, and guilt tripped me for it. The fact that he's not being honest with me, and saying "sure, I'll go out with you" when he really wants to stay home and play videos games, is him being accommodating and supportive. So when I ask if he wants to give me a back rub, because I really need one, it wouldn't be all that helpful if he said "sure, I'll give you a back rub, but by the way, I really don't feel like it right now, but that's okay because I love you". He does things without complaining, and it really helps. I try not to make him sacrifice too much though, and in return, I try to remember to put away the milk.more

    sexpert - Answer to the question "When is it ok to tell a white lie?" - 88 days ago

  • oohlookasquirrel

    If the relationship is really young or y...

    If the relationship is really young or your partner is easily grossed out by bathroom humor, try to avoid it. If you've seen a few comedies together, you should probably be able to gauge their reaction to that sort of thing. If you're living together or spending a ton of time together, you're going to have to accept that it happens and be mature about it and either shrug it off or laugh and move on. If you're worried about offending your girlfriend, you can try to avoid the situation, but keep in mind that it's going to happen sometime and mature people can shrug it off as long as you don't make a huge deal of it. My boyfriend and I are not generally toilet humor people. We're not offended by it, we just prefer other types of humor. I prefer that my boyfriend not have to think of me as a stinky person any more than is absolutely necessary. If I'm feeling gassy, I will go to the bathroom or try to get some privacy if possible. Maybe we could go take a quick walk instead of sitting in this quiet room? Maybe you shouldn't be lying down with your head in my lap right now? I try to avoid sex if I'm feeling really gassy. Usually sharing that you're feeling under the weather or a little queasy is a very very good excuse to not have sex. I just don't feel sexy if I'm trying not to fart. The polite thing is to be discrete, avoid the situation if possible, and excuse yourself if you can't possibly deny that it happened. If your girlfriend is so grossed out that she never wants to see you again if you fart in front of her, you probably don't want to be dating her anyway. (And if that's TMI, you probably shouldn't be reading a question about farting.)more

    oohlookasquirrel - Answer to the question "Do you "cut the cheese" in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend?" - 88 days ago