So my parents will have been together for 30 years this fall, and they have been together through thick and thin, and there has been a lot of thin. They had a very controversial engagement because my mother was a single 22 yo with a baby, and my 32 yo father and her had only been dating a couple months when he popped the question (he was not the father of the baby). The kid that wasn't his, the age difference, and the short time dating made for it to be a little bit of a controversial engagement.
Anyway, to the actual point, when my parents got engaged, they talk to the pastor at the church that they met at. The pastor said to try being engaged, but to not tell anyone. Just to have the agreement between each other for a month, and see how it felt. It was like a trial engagement, try it on for size for a month, risk-free, money back guarantee.
My parents actually swear by this. Sometimes people get caught up in the proposal, and the excitement, and then after it starts to die down, the worries start to creep in, or you realize that knot in your stomach might be something more than just nerves. It's hard to undo something that you've already told everyone about.
Or, better yet, at the end of the month you could feel really comfortable and confident in your decision. Perhaps this would be the better place emotionally to be in when you tell everyone else your good news?
It also has the benefit of giving you the opportunity to talk. A lot of people (at least in my observation, feel free to disagree) rush into a decision about getting married based on gut feelings and forget to thoroughly discuss what marriage would look like. How many kids? What size house? What would be grounds for divorce? Should there be a pre-nup? If kids are in the future, when? And will one partner be a stay at home parent, or continue to work?
There are so many logistics when it comes to marriage, I think some people wait to have these conversations. Having a delayed announcement of an engagement might give you the opportunity to have these important conversations (and have them be more concrete than "wouldn't it be nice if").
So what do you guys think of delaying the announcement of engagement? I have also heard this being called "engaged to be engaged" where there are plans to get married, but it's not official yet. What do you think? Would you be happy doing it this way if you partner suggested this to you?more
